Random Glory!

Melting Moments - The one that got away.

2011-12-26T15:29:00.000-08:00

I'm holding on to my breath as I try to pen this down,
a bit nervous and hesitant, but I guess I've had to come around,
been wanting to shout it out, say all the things unsaid,
Not knowing what held me back or what caused me to be afraid.

I've been holding on to my thoughts, largely comprising of you,
waiting with a bated breath and now I feel like such a fool.
Thinking, planning and imagining of how it would be,
of how I could be with you and how we both could be free,
Loose these chains that bind me and do the same to you,
Drive away into the sunset as the people in the movies do,
It takes no more than a pin prick to make somebody bleed,
I've bled like a river, when is it that you will pay any heed?
I'm smiling onto prophesies that spell out my doom,
Filling my head with your photos to try to drive out the gloom,
Going about my days as if nothing is wrong,
unable to banish the thought of you from my mind for long,
Unable to tell you all, fearing that I'll scare you away,
So I pretend to just be with you, without having anything to say,
It's something that I shall carry with me, live with it all my life,
pack away in a corner of my heart, least it create a strife,
I shall have fond memories of you, the girl that got away,
For darkness is coming for me, I don't know how much longer is it that I can wait.

Fleeting designs

2011-11-11T16:46:00.000-08:00

A bright light shining in a blackened room,
sets for the scene, a contrast stark,
I sit with it, the table beside,
wondering why it's all still dark.

Around me the world swirls,
a blur of black and grey,
as money evaporates and toys pile up,
but nothing ever really stays.

Why do I squander all that I have,
and pawn to the devil my soul?
Why do I support with deed this vice?
Am I that far gone from ever feeling whole?

I walk the line and balance it out,
but yet the cable still sways,
upon the tight rope I hold my breath,
Wondering if my balance will stay.

Icy tentacles wind around my heart,
They are so cold it burns,
the charred remains of something that once beat,
the faint warmth of innocence spurned.

I stand apart in that room,
the only thing bathed in the dark,
those robes that bound, those lies profound,
all gone, the reality, now it's stark.

A dagger to a vein I take,
the blood flows away into the night,
with it I wish my shadows fade,
for one last time, let me see the light.

The Angel

2011-10-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

I felt a bit dark and gloomy today,
So I decided that in my room I must stay,
So upon those lines I acted then,
and sat in my room, thinking for a moment.

It was a bit dull and lonely there,
of this I became soon aware,
So I said lets try something new,
something done by but a few.

I crossed my legs and erased my frown,
and prayed that an angel be sent down,
life has had many secrets now and then,
Won't hurt me know a few of them.

There was a flash of light divine,
the room suddenly smelt of fragrant wine,
I opened my eyes and saw here there,
an angel sent down from heaven, I swear!

Her eyes were brown and so was her hair,
I could see cuts on her, everywhere,
What cruelty is this why this pain?
How could god let it remain?

She smiled at me as she read my thoughts,
She said to me, don't look so distraught,
These cuts on me are all for you,
Through dark nights and storms I have surrounded you,
Made sure when the hammer falls it is I who soften the blow,
When the divine judgement comes, it is me who executes them below,
You know not your luck you mortal man,
even if people try to hurt you no one can,
I bleed for you happily with a smile on my face,
all your fears in your sleep I erase,
You have run away from things and they have chased you afar,
But when they come close to you, I have made them stay far,
I love you with all my might, it's you who do not believe,
you will shout out to god as you cry in your sleep,
gently i'll come and put you in my lap,
I'll protect you from the lightning, mute the thunder clap,
I don't care what you deserve or what you do and when,
for as soon as you need me, I'll be at your side in a moment,
Never feel alone for I watch over you all day,
at nights till your asleep, I never go away,
Watching over you is a full time task,
when you sing in your shower or make your way to class,
I'm there always besides you wether you know it or not,
And i shall come and numb the pain when it hurts you a lot.
And every time I protect you, one cut I will get,
But never fear, I do this job without any regret,
Just be brave, be honorable, care for all those who you can,
For not everyone has angels, some are left to the care of man.
For though you are blessed and I wipe your tears,
I've made you what you are today so that you can wipe away people's fears,
Try stand for all thats good, just and fair,
From cheating others, I know you will forbear,
And I shall willingly take them, carry these scars with pride,
when ever it hurts, I'll take it in my stride.

Just remember what you have been sent down for my child divine,
Do not let it go in vain, this pain of mine,
and when at last your time comes and you breathe your last breath,
I shall stand beside you, even in your death,
And as you ascend to the gates of heaven,
I shall be waiting and you shall see me again.

I heard all this and my tears I dried,
I thanked god with all my might,
For I knew now, what I didn't know then,
that someone was watching out for me from heaven.

A writer's block

2011-08-17T21:18:00.000-07:00

It's been a while, It's held me back,
this temptation that I have had to write,
It's a bad time to run out of words,
When parts of your mind are locked in a fight.

I can feel the words being dragged along,
so loath they are to come out,
I've been meaning to write, I promise it's been too long,
but all i've done is scream and shout.

It's been a murky time in this world of mine,
Alternating between a desert and a marsh,
One dry the other wet, but both benign,
my demeanor now exposed as just a farce.

These smiles that I gave have cost me dear,
Who ever said that they came free?
for everyone of them masks some fear,
Why did I think they would spare me?

I was so sure about my thoughts and things,
Now it is all but just a murky haze,
While the world celebrates and the choirs sing,
I walk around in a state of daze.

I want to let go of these thoughts that bind,
But they hold me by my hands,
So now again I walk around dragging my weight,
a landlord, now bereft of all his lands.

Maybe that day will come sometime,
and the light within I'll see,
until then I'll tell myself that i'm fine,
Just fine, being me.

My insanity

2011-07-24T01:41:00.000-07:00

Slinking in the shadows,
on a warm summers night,
sulking behind the petals, of flowers.

These strands of darkness encircle me,
so near yet so distant, I want them to leave,
let me be me, But they seem scared, hesitant.

My thoughts soar as everyone's do,
yet now they are pinned to the ground,
that magnificant eagle that once had soared,
has now been shot down.

I try to write as I always do,
Just can't seem to make any of it rhyme,
My thoughts left intact are but a few,
fears haunt my mind.

Illusions plague these hallowed walls, dead kings claim their thrones.
Trying to reach home before the darkness falls, Somewhere far away from home.

In the club!

2011-07-12T20:06:00.000-07:00

Flashing lights and booming sound,
I caught her hand, then twirled her around,
Grabbed her waist, held her close,
Then quickly swept her off the floor.

The music around picked up it's pace,
I think she tripped upon my shoe lace,
I held her fast in a graceful move,
as the club around us began to groove.

My eyes slipped to her brilliant smile,
her blood red lips, her dancing style,
Driven on by the music around her I hopped,
Caught quite unawares as the music stopped.

Amidst hushed tones I heard commotion,
Most of us were caught midway through awkward motions,
from screaming out aloud, myself I stopped,
just to find myself face to face with a cop.

He smiles at me without humor in his eyes,
"Good lord!" is he going to tell me my rights?
What is happening? For what is this bust?
What could I be guilty for save a pelvic thrust?

They rounded us up like a flock of sheep,
then put us the vans and the police jeeps,
I assure you it's a pretty freaky sensation,
when you are being hauled off to a police station.

They took down my addresses and my contact information,
I think I already discussed the peculiar sensations,
Charges of obscenity were upon me I was told,
However now did that unfold?

It took some time, we were sent off home,
like fallen emperors sent back to Rome,
what we were and what were we now,
Man times change so quick and how!

I'm sure this exercise took a few hours at the least,
multiple policemen 'The moral police',
Objecting to the way we dance and the way we behave,
and about the late hours we keep they did debate.

Amidst all this I thought of them who in this system put their trust,
All those people praying and hoping for some result,
Some raped, some murdered others who lost their money,
And their guardians were busy doing this. Don't blame me for finding this funny.

Of Angels and Shooting stars

2011-06-10T11:48:00.000-07:00

A road illuminated in the silver light,
the rains had left the world quite wet,
Walking along in the death of the night,
An angel it was that I met.

There she lay in the shadows dark,
troubled by the misery in her soul,
her halo mellow her body stark,
struggling to make herself feel whole.

Pearls of tears streamed from her face,
they made the world look bleak,
And when her eyes met my gaze,
I asked her why did she weep.

Said said she had got caught into the night,
And she was looking around for day,
but however hard she looked there was no light,
What more now could she say.

She once walked amongst us all,
an angel amidst the crowd,
and when she rose up to touch the sky,
She found herself in a dark cloud.

For a second suspended in the air,
then down to earth she fell,
Wondering if what she had done was right or fair,
Thinking wether or not to tell.

She said it was human that she had become,
due to a mistake that she had made,
No where to hide and no where to run,
and the memories just would not fade.

Though her tears were her's alone,
Not for herself were they shed,
for her prayers were aimed for someone else's home,
though difficult times lay ahead.

With a dry smile away she soared,
I saw her from afar,
Maybe she was an angel no more,
but I was gazing upon a shooting star.

Images - By the Hearth

2011-06-06T19:49:00.000-07:00

The morning will come, I have been told,
But I don't see it there,
I am sitting here, crouched in the darkness,
wondering what is right and what fair.
The rains have graced the thirsty earth,
I know that smell too well,
But no fire graces this blackened hearth;
Maybe it needs new stories to tell.

You make a road map of my past,
No whites, no blacks, just filled with grey;
The anomalies that the darkness reveals,
Are so well hidden from the sun's rays.

I think back on what it is that I've done,
And the thoughts just go astray.
The mysteries of life and death yet to come,
They take my peace away.

I am a mirror, reflecting all I can,
A lamp to give all light,
And yet I happen to be that very man,
That gave up during his fight.

Love is a woman

2011-04-24T21:17:00.000-07:00

Look into her eyes,
She is calling out to you.
She smiles upon a million beings,
but graces but a few.
Her scent is sweet,
her hands warm to touch,
her embrace is surreal,
her eyes say so much.

I say love is a woman,
and a beautiful one at that,
everyone seems to want her,
and she definitely knows that.
They throng to meet her,
catch a glimpse of her her face,
they dream of her at night,
the thought of her presence makes a million hearts race,
She knows that you want her,
she shows you she doesn't care,
but maybe she is thinking about you,
wishing that you were there,
She will blow you off with all her might,
it's said that you can never get love without a fight,
She will come into your life and make it a royal mess,
but till you haven't tasted her, you haven't tasted success,
for she will make you feel like a winner,
make you feel whole,
make you feel that prior to that,
you were just there, existing without a soul,
She will vex you with her little things,
make the alarm bells in your head ring,
she will make things wrong but still make them feel right,
to you she will give it her all but at the same time fight,
to hold onto her will be a war,
one well worth the prize,
for her you will fall,
and due to her rise,
though she is a beautiful rose,
her thorns will prick,
even then you shall hold her close,
happily take the risk,
She is the one that everyone wants ,
but she is there with you,
hold on to her with all your might,
least she elude you,
If you take her for granted you will find that she's gone,
as they say "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned",
you will think of her day and night when she is away,
wondering what went wrong, why you didn't ask her to stay.
I don't know if she will forgive you and to you ever return,
but I know you will look for her, on every corner every turn.
It's when you feel empty inside, you will know then,
Love is in fact a woman.

And if she does all this to you,
then you know that it's her
if anything is missing,
then in her guise is an impostor,
while for many she is an object of desire,
there are many others who desire her place.
Once she comes int your life, she will change your fate,
and her you will love and her you will hate,
she will confuse you,
still leave you helpless within,
and all of it will make sense when,
you realise that love is a woman.

Images - Musing by the seaside.

2011-04-03T05:07:00.000-07:00

Standing alone by the sea,
catching a glimpse of what might have been,
feeling the wind call out to me,
Gently.

A trip down memory lane,
grabbing out to those thoughts, but in vain,
Innocence is what I feign,
Unsuccessfully.

All those days, where did they go?
While we ran fast, the time went slow,
receding into the evening glow,
Steadily.

Those flickery flames catch my eye,
ask me what's my alibi,
where was I when they lit up the sky,
Blindingly.

Grains of sand blow by my side,
as time seems to ebb not unlike the tide,
all those dreams still trapped inside,
Silently

Just when I think I can no longer cope,
the Orange sun reaches out to give me hope,
and with this hope my fears elope,
Stealthily.

Relics

2011-03-01T11:29:00.000-08:00

Come here, come closer, Why are you scared?
I was once one of you, though i'm no longer there,
for though once in the sunshine, my walks I took,
towards the darkness is where I now look.

Flames have licked at what was left of my body,
Words have pierced the remains of my soul,
I can see the horror, it's reflected in your eyes,
won't you ever believe that once I was whole?

Throughout my existence I have been branded,
the weight of expectations has made me numb,
the halls of hope have slippery floors,
and to darkness have I finally succumbed.

I rise in glory as the phoenixes do,
revived from the ashes of my faults,
within seconds again, I burst back into flames,
and into the depths I fall.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words, they poison my blood,
and every second odd that my heart bleeds,
into my conscience they flood.

The day will come as my times runs out,
and I know that day the axe shall fall,
thought the castle of my dreams will age and crumble,
But my soul shall haunt it's hallowed walls.

Muse

2011-02-05T09:09:00.000-08:00

You've seen me do it again and again,
I do it now and I did it then,
It's pain that I feel, this feeling I caress,
Till it feels so sublime that it causes no more distress.

The flames that lick my body make me feel clean,
They burn away some parts of me that are darker than they seem,
Every inch of my skin burns in those flames,
Even as the agony is washed away, I feel no pain.

Inside the inferno that I call my mind,
I still know not where my thoughts are aligned,
Those abstract emotions jealousy and despair,
Are they to leave me in a constant state of disrepair?

To integrity and hope I hold fast,
I wonder how much longer they will last,
Do I risk them? Do I risk getting lost?
Or do I stick by them obstinately, No matter the cost?

Abstract

2011-01-09T20:42:00.000-08:00

Knocking on the door on a cold winters day,
six months already done, but still six months away,
The hustle bustle in this humdrum life still can be felt,
but then again you can feel the Ice melt.

The cold is gone, the sun is in.
it's too bright to ignore, you know you can't win.
the storm rages outside and ravages all thats there,
it's quite calm inside, silence reigns here.

Doves take the messages across,
some make it through, others are quite lost,
pigeons are but pigeons, they can't understand why doves,
are so keen to take them up on their turf.

Away in the darkness a steady heart thumps,
hearing it beat can give you goosebumps,
it working hard, draining out the despair,
No longer alone, it can feel the call of another one out there.

Flashblacks.

2010-12-05T10:37:00.000-08:00

Sitting in a dark corner,
Shadows on my mind,
Running through my memories,
I wonder what I'll find.

Grains of sand on a beach of hate,
a few castles blown away by a twist of fate,
An ocean loud, vast and deep,
fed by the tears of skies that weep.

A lonely pawn upon a black tile,
A knight taking him out with a triumphant smile,
while the queen looks on and the king stands still,
Looking of of the castle's window sill.

A childish act of innocence,
ramblings that just don't make any sense,
a safety net cast out by some friends,
as sanity totters upon the fence.

A checkered board of a vivid past,
memories that forever last,
a poster of hope that no longer holds fast,
uncertainty and doubt as the die is cast.

Candlelight.

2010-11-29T09:51:00.000-08:00

It's dark in here,
you need some light,
Ignite this candle and hold it up,
and see the darkness take flight.

Cobwebs hang from the ceilings,
while champagne flows off the glass,
no breeze blows, the air is still,
a thick carpet of dust has amassed.

The windows have cracked and yet are black,
they won't let the sunlight through,
a broken chair and a weathered desk,
and unused bottles of expired glue.

Papers have scattered everywhere,
the paperweight still rolls on the floor,
and yet now that you have candle lit,
Everything is basking in it's glow.

A ray of light it all it takes,
A hope to survive and flourish,
so get out the broom and clear out your mind,
It's about time you won this skirmish.

Of Destruction

2010-11-02T21:41:00.000-07:00

A hazel feather in the gusty wind,
floats down to rest upon my shoulder,
And wishes to speak to me, of destruction.

I ask him what it is that he knows,
about human tendencies and egos,
those that ultimately lead, to destruction.

I ask him why is it that everyone throws,
what ever they have right out of the window,
and then they all complain of destruction.

Why is it that lies and deceit,
brings good down to it's knees.
And leaves in it's wake, destruction.

Mutely the feather floats away as it must,
spurred on by the powerful gust,
And leaves me mulling about destruction.

Killing myself Slowly

2010-10-29T11:59:00.000-07:00

A breath of fresh air,
in a dusty room,
a wave of hope
and yet there is gloom,
What is it that I am doing?
I probably will never know,
I'm killing myself slowly
And will forever more.

A knife of dread,
piercing a dull throbbing heart,
tearing it slowly,
I see the pieces fall apart.
Skeletons tumble out of the closet,
into my eyes they stare,
No blood no gore,
There's just emptiness there.

A wound for every decision made,
slashed wrists with every lie ever said,
the world stands still as the clock ticks,
a gaping hole where ever the conscience pricks.
A broken bone for every choice made wrong,
In a splint for anyone ever wronged,
A battered mind , none worse for there wear,
And then finally me, slowing killing myself in despair.

ps:- The myself in this note is a reference to the sense of 'being me'. This is not to be mistaken for anything else.

Images - You'll never be alone

2010-10-12T12:27:00.000-07:00

You’ve stood tall in these stormy streets, looked fear in the eye,
It’s pouring and you’re by yourself, you keep wondering why,
When every mans an island amidst this sea called life,
You’ve carried the baton forward, now you lead this strife.
Now light up this ready torch, see the flames touch the sky,
Set fire to fuel those wonderful dreams and see the nightmares die.
I know it seems difficult, this dark and dreary task,
When no one seems to care what lies beneath your mask,
Though sometimes you feel helpless and out of sync with this world,
Feeling all alone and breathless as this storm unfurls,
Though there are no knocks on the door, no rings on the phone,
You’ll never be alone, No; you’ll never be alone.

Forget those steps that lead this way, ignore the dial tone,
Look for a place inside your heart and make yourself at home,
When questions unasked pop up, dump them into the waste can,
Bask in the rays of hope and work up a good tan,
This life is too long to be a battle, too short to be a war,
It’s upto you to find yourself, decide what to live for,
When all tell you what not to do, and what is it that you’re to do,
It’s time you filtered out those thoughts and appreciate those few,
Make albums in your head and slideshows in your heart,
Feel them reach out to you, from near and from far,
See them touch your soul and that’s when you’ll know,
That you’ll never be alone, No, You’ll never be alone.

Images - Waves in the desert.

2010-10-01T21:36:00.000-07:00

Tiny grains of sand in an ocean of dust,
my search for you still went on,
those swirling waves in a desert that calm,
signified the lull before a storm.

It'd been a while that I'd been out here,
wandering around that landscape bare,
It's my eyes that told the story of my fears,
But no one cared enough to look there.

It's been this way for a long long time,
I did not know what I felt,
I always thought that I am fine,
little did I know with what my heart dealt.

I wrote a few poems, some on love,
Some on the life I thought I'd have,
Some on those random thoughts that plagued my mind,
But never really realizing why they felt so sad.

In the twilight did I walk this shadowy path,
Seeing the world in Black, white and grey,
Knowing little about what it is that I missed out on,
wandering on, going astray.

And then you came like a dazzling sun,
And swept away those grays,
with a brilliant smile and deep brown eyes,
you brought in a bright new day.

Though all I do falls short of signifying what you are,
even unconsciously I dare say,
Try all I may, to avoid it, but even then,
I fall for you just a little more. Everyday.

And yes, while at it,
Consider this a sacrifice of my Dignity in a public forum.

Images - Falling without strings.

2010-09-01T10:37:00.001-07:00

I ring the bell, you let me in,
Such a clichéd start to an afternoon warm,
As I hold you, you can see me grin,
And set off all those crazy alarms.

So what is it that you think you owe me?
You don’t need to think about that,
When you can see where this is headed as clear as day,
What is it that holds you back?

You’ve been here before, not a long time back,
Is this what they call déjà vu ?
But hush! No one knows about me being here,
No one knows what you’ve been though.

You can deny me all that you want,
But you can’t deny yourself all that,
Because you can feel me all around you,
As we both come to terms with facts.

You will let me do all that I always do,
Let yourself feel me through,
As I prepare to leave you will start to think,
About all those distracting, irrelevant things.

Images - Droplets

2010-07-28T09:07:00.000-07:00

These lights have lighted up this city tonight,
Into a brilliant flame of fire,
and beyond it's edges I am gazing out,
Into this dark ocean of desire.

A faint drizzle upon a stony ledge,
I wonder when it will pour,
This sullen heart needs to quench it's thirst,
It always seems to want so much more.

These droplets of water may drench me today.
Yet I will be here, I refuse to run.
I am here, standing alone, waiting to meet you,
Destiny, in pursuit of you I myself have come.

Images - Holding on to pebbles.

2010-07-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

Stories have been shared,
from an age gone by,
Where princesses were rescued,
and the Angels would fly,
the flowers would bloom,
and birds would sing,
the sun would be warm
and it would always be spring.

But no one has shared,
the stories today,
are they all scared?
Or too proud to say?
That all that has gone,
Is for everyone to see,
for all that we had won,
has now tasted defeat?

Did you think twice,
before thinking aloud?
Did it feel so nice?
Sitting atop that cloud?
For words like arrows once left do not stall,
like flashes of lightning in the skies they fall,
You bled me to death and then a little more,
I woke up wounded, battered and sore,
In midst of a desert, covered with sand,
or an ocean of water with no sight of land,
Are you quite done with me or is there more to come?
The way you have done it, it looks like such fun.
Will you come rescue me? Will you hold out your hand?
Or will you just look on and at a safe distance stand?

I need some inspiration, I have so much to say,
get rid of my inner devils, and grow up today,
For around in circles again I have run,
making a fool out of myself, trying to fool everyone.

Images - They never let us know what they know.

2010-07-13T06:06:00.001-07:00

He looked up and he saw her.

First Mistake.

Drama has this bad habit of sensationalizing things. This holds true even for romance.

He gave her a smile as she walked upto him and greeted her with a warm Hello. This of course was the full bouquet of formality, Hug et all. So could she feel his pulse quicken and his heartbeat go ballistic as he held her for that brief instant? He probably would never know. But I guess she would. Girls have a knack for knowing things like that. What’s worse, they never let us know that they know.

The first few seconds are what tells both the parties what they need to know. All he knew in those first seconds is that he wanted to know her. But what did it tell her? He probably would never know. As I said, they never let us know what they know.

So there he was, with her finally. He had thought about this for a long time. He had wondered how it would be, what he would feel or alternatively what he would NOT feel. His hopes, his expectations, all resting on the fantasy of this one moment that had given him hours of anticipation and provided the food for a million thoughts. We tend to do that sometimes. Spend hours living through one moment that has not yet arrived, wondering about how it will be, what will happen and how it will feel. Even then, he did not know if she had thought the same. As I said, they never let us know what they know.

It was drizzling as they got out on the street walking towards the sea shore. As the light faded, the lights grew in prominence, highlighting the beauty of the old architecture, built once when this city was still Bombay. But he noticed none of that. But he did notice her eyes, the way she walked , the way the rain drops fell on her hair. And the way she laughed. But he did not know what she noticed about him. As I said, they never let us know what they know.

As he walked down marine drive with her by his side, the wind in her hair and her image in his eyes, he felt the world lighten. He knew that the world would never be the same again. The ice cream that he shared with her, he knew that the next time he tasted it alone, it would not taste half as nice. The coffee in the rain, the ‘bhutta’ that they ate. All of it. But he did now know if she knew any of this. As I said, they never let us know what they know.

And when he dropped her home, he knew that he was crazy about her. And he hoped she did not know this. But then again, he would never know.

They never let us know what they know.

Check-Mate.

2010-07-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

You look up as your cell phone beeps,
You're with company but you can't resist a peep,
Because you have been waiting for it to ring,
and wondering what the next message with bring.

The game has started just about now,
I seem sure of winning and you wonder how,
As I figure out this brand new hunt,
you will wonder about my next stunt.

His arrows are sharp and Cupid's bow is strong,
Both of these to me now belong,
I'm at a vantage point, taking a careful aim,
Once I let go, Your life will never be the same.

And so begins this game of cat and mouse,
Life's soon going to become a mad house.
Your smart you say and so I have heard,
Hopefully this won't be liking killing a mockingbird.

Images of the mind

2010-06-22T10:19:00.000-07:00

Come into my world,
It's a dark and dreary place,
Cobwebs hang from the walls,
Where potential goes to waste.

The drawers in here open and close at will,
Don't wonder what purpose they fulfill,
I don't know myself what happens in here,
It's become a haven for insecurities and fear.

The light's been turned off it seems,
The flashlights have insignificant beams,
Don't pierce the darkness that you might find,
For in it lurks a loathsome fiend.

Don't bring no good, there is no place,
This evil in me takes up all the space,
What do I say? What do I find?
What goes on in this sinister mind?

This is my world, This is my mind,
It's not very nice, it's not very kind.
Get out before they consume you, these flames that burn,
Or drown in these shallow waters that for gratification yearn.

Or rather don't come go run away,
Go before it all ends, Either ways.

Hello? Are you out there?

2010-06-12T20:45:00.000-07:00

I've been looking out, looking out for you,
I've exhausted all my options, I've had quite a few,
I'm still in this darkness, blinded even in this brilliant day,
Feeling my path by my hands, maybe even lost my way.
Are you listening to me? Will you answer my call?
I don't want to fall down, I don't want to crawl.
Hello? Are you out there?

It's been dark now quite a while,
I've still tried to face it with a smile,
What ever happened to me? My dreams? They've been gone a while?
And why does my innocence feel like an illegitimate child?
Are you listening to me? Will you answer my call?
I need you to help me, I feel I'm facing a wall.
Hello? Are you out there?

Great deeds of valor have always been told.
Good that fought the bad, tales that never grew old,
I remember wanting to change the world , do some good,
What has it come to? People are still starving for food.
Are you listening to me? Will you answer my call?
I want to feel happy again, I'm feeling so small.
Hello? Are you out there?

A hundred reasons we have found for god not to exist,
Some still say he is out here, somewhere in our midst,
While the world around us burns and smolders in hate,
How is it that one keeps up his faith?
Are you listening to me? Will you answer my call?
I can't feel you, are you there at all?
Hello? Are you out there?

Speak up

2010-05-15T14:08:00.000-07:00

So what it is that you feel?

What defines what is real?

Show me what is right, point out what is wrong;
watch me as I play along,
A twinkle in my eye, a smile on my lips,
Yes, I'm still waiting for you to make a slip.

Look around and see the world,
this crazy pandemonium that has unfurled,
A state of flux in every moment,
So what do you reckon is the scope for improvement?

This is a democracy or so I hear,
So what exactly is it that you fear?
By , for and of the people it is said,
Or so it was, the last time it I read.

What is it that gets your goat?
Politicians in Kurtas? Or suave Coats?
Moral policing, it's needs and effects,
corruption, sports what other events?

So speak up and be bold,
Fortune favors the brave or so it is told,
put forth your view and bring up some talk,
It's about time we took this walk.

Mention just one issue that you fear,
be heard, we all want to hear,
discuss, debate bring forth the light,
Point out what is wrong, Show me what is right.

Project Untitled.

2010-05-04T03:58:00.000-07:00

I just thought I needed to get back to writing , so I prepared a sort of a pilot that I could build upon. I need feedback to know if it is substantially interesting as to attract investment in the form of my time into it and if the style and intensity seem to be reasonably acceptable, hence I require feedback and request you to provide the same. If This text seems like a good starting stone, do let me know and I shall try to build upon it, if it is not or seems to boring I shall try to prepare something else. This could be more like a slight teaser setting the general direction of things to come. Do tell me if you like and PLEASE tell me if you do not like it and what it is that you do not like. I shall be highly happy to receive any such feed back:-

Project Untitled - Cut 1.

He watched as the rays of the setting sun slowly cast a orange hue over the vista that lay before him, seemingly vast and peaceful. How deceptive the whole world seemed now from this Vantage point, the top of this tower which afforded him a view which could make any man hold his breath in sheer amazement. And yet, there was no one to appreciate it, neither the view that he beheld or the views that his head held, the latter being the tools that had landed him in this fate.

The very heavens seemed to be on fire as the orange glow grew intense. It would be over soon as the sun would slowly disappear and make the whole world dark. And then there would be some lights. Some lights which could be seen in the darkness, like little brilliant ants which would sometimes move, changing patterns in an fascinating way and leave his imagination free to join them in various forms and shapes that would frequent his imagination. Birds, beasts and humans, they had all appeared in front of him in his solitary existence in rough shapes that had been traced out from the back of his head out from the lights flickering in the darkness amidst the lightly wooded world that this window held for him. It has been a year since he had been exiled to this tower. Seemed like an eternity.

The King looked on as the last rays of the sun played the game of hide and seek with the turrets of the Towers of Marwar shining far to the north of his current location, then the rays escaped, eluding this world that tried to hold onto them in vain and plunged his kingdom into darkness.

Images

2010-04-25T11:22:00.000-07:00

I don't need a star sign to identify me,
I don't need you to have any parameters to define me,
Let me be me in your eyes,
then you may look upon what it is,
and what can be.

Because there is a difference in what you perceive,
and what you can probably see,
What you can see, when you look at me.

You may say I behave like a Gemini, Maybe I do, I'd never know
But then how do you know it's not just something that i show?
Stop fitting me in and feel me though,
The connection could surprise you.

Untitled

2010-03-16T19:51:00.001-07:00

There is this path , the walk of life,
on which people often walk in pairs,
hand in hand, stride matching stride,
wondering if the other person is theirs.

They have their dreams. their needs, their fears,
And seldom do any of these rest,
The plague the people with confusion and tears,
and put their fidelity to test.

When the breakers come, some part ways,
Some others give up the quest,
While some march on , though the bonds maybe frayed,
facing it all with zest.

When in front of you this drama unfurls,
therein the answer you will find,
Not a relationship status to show the world,
Commitment is a state of the mind.

Flights and Confrontations

2010-03-07T12:16:00.000-08:00

It’s been a while since I came here,
I’v been hiding away, Maybe even running in fear,
Why I do this, I really do not know,
What is it that I prove? What do I try to show?

We all have our dreams, our hopes and our fears,
The former we chase far, while the others draw near,
Our triumphs, our glories and deeds that are past,
The shadow and darkness that pursues us fast.

I’v stood here quietly for quite a while,
Trying to sort out things in my mind,
Holding on to happiness those stray grains of sand,
Trying hard to hold onto them as they slip out of hand.

We see the shadows come on close,
As they catch up a cold wind blows,
The stage is set, the die is cast,
Concerns about the future and a checkered past.

I wade along often out of depth,
And feel a cross road on every step,
And what do I choose when the choice is wide?
And every option leaves an empty void?

We choose our roads some short some long,
But how do we choose what’s right what’s wrong?
When the two concepts are distorted and faint,
Who is evil and who is the saint?

I’v made some choices for myself,
Some acted upon, others, now dusty upon a shelf,
This play of destiny sure is strange,
Faith sure works in mysterious ways.

We try to fight as the shadows lengthen,
But in the quest of which, them we ourselves strengthen,
To eradicate our weakness and work towards the light,
But how do you win this eternal fight?

We do it in various ways,
The night slowly turn into a new day,
These crutches of mine which I once held I now let go,
and walk down this Morning Boulevard basking in it's glow.

Through our eyes.

2010-02-17T20:19:00.000-08:00

I met this friend after really long,
She's inspired me to write this song,
We talking about food, pretty girls and guys,
And therein the crux of the matter lies.

Of food we decided , that Italian was the best,
talking about girls without offending her was quite a test,
And just as we were finishing up the french fries,
She wondered about how girls seem though my eyes.

She wondered about the attitude of us men,
Wondered if we even respect Women,
Wondered if we preferred love or lust,
Or just fell for a girl depending on the size of her bust.

To defend my tribe now I prepared,
Tried to streamline all the questions in my head,
It's kind of hard to answer them,
Because, nothing is quite as simple to understand as us men.

First let me clarify, we love women,
Cars are the only thing we love more than them,
And maybe food, in retrospect,
But sure, we give them respect.

We don't look for much in our girls,
We like deep dimples and love curls,
We like it when you hold us close,
and don't flood our conversations with your woes.

You know we like to have our own way,
But we like a girl who has something to say,
It's nice when a girl offers to pay,
And awesome when she smiles and makes our day.

We like nice dinners and 'coffee' at home,
Love it when you smell good and are awesomely toned,
It's adorable when you cook us food,
As long as it tastes good and makes our mood.

Good looks are important, they do count,
But they are not everything as many girls have found.
We like girls with short skirts and shorter shorts,
We love it when our girls look hot.

Our list is simple, demands but a few,
We like it when you don't stick to us like glue,
You can ask " Where are you?", but not everyday,
Do it too often and we will run away.

I think that covers it all,
Fill this checklist and for you we shall fall,
And just on record , what you mentioned about the bust,
That is exactly what we notice first.

Melting Moments - The other Side

2010-01-31T11:57:00.000-08:00

( Written as an offshoot of the Original Melting Moments available in the FB notes section or at this link :- http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=86057811645 please read that first)

He felt her her stare as he walked out in the rapidly diminishing light. The Air around him seemed tense and heavy, almost expectant, a fitting conclusion to the drama that had just unfolded a few moments ago. An ominous silence seemed to press around him, muting out the ambient noise, all but a dull humming as if he was deep underwater. He almost wished that he was. He wished that she would come after him, hit him and demand an explanation or an apology. Her vacant expression that followed his confession was fresh in his mind, almost haunting, seemingly waiting for him to stop and tell her that it was all a joke, a mistake or just a bad dream or alternately all of the three. He expected a scene , a showdown or a violent reaction but nothing had prepared for the empty nothing that came his way except a weight so heavy that it would haunt him for an eternity. A cold bolt of Ice seemed to have pierced his heart, one that refused to thaw or go away. He shivered slightly. The moments dragged himself and the drama unfolded in an almost unreal fashion. Nothing that she would have said would have hurt more that the look she gave. What was it? Disgust? Pain? Anger? He would never know. He had not dared to really meet her eyes. But he knew that at this moment she was crying. He reached the poolside, changed and stood poised on the diving board. He felt himself shiver as his mind whirled down memory lane.

Her long hair was the first thing that he had ever noticed and then the the warm eyes that seemed to light up the evening. A thin watery smile that just did not do her face justice had magically transformed into the most radiant one he had ever seen. Love at first sight? Hardly! But he knew that he would carry this picture in his heart for a long time. It was still vivid, warm , a moment that he would cherish as cupid and the resident devil both fought for supremacy in the confines of his head. Unfair fight really, Cupid had arrows. Duh.

Then there was that meet up at Bascillico, the blueberry cheesecake and an absurd bill that she had insisted on sharing, hence lightning his heart instead of his pocket. A long walk at Pali hill that seemed altogether too short had sealed his fate. He was smitten. A long drive down marine drive that changed everything. The first time he felt her close, inhaling her soft scent as his nose traced a faint line down her neck, feeling the warmth just before that first kiss. Flowers. Yes, that scent would not be easily forgotten. Neither would she. Nor would the long hours in the Hot water tub for that matter.

They said that good things can never last for ever, but their memories can endure that long. Is that a good thing? Maybe not, but he sure hoped the wise man who had said this was mistaken.

Then came the onslaught of her exams and the long late night talks gave way to a spate of messages that slowly dried down to a stream and then an insignificant leak. He could blame the library for that, that temple for learning had little tolerances for mobile phones and the priest that guarded its sanctity did not take too well to whispering. He had felt her get distant, fading into the twilight that has seemed to engulf him. Her exams had seemed to drain her of her patience, happiness and strength. Obviously, romance was not spared either. The love notes gave way to angry messages. The conversations graduated to arguments and the coy teasing suddenly burst from it's cocoon and came out in the guise of ugly suspicion. It wasn't him. It was her.

Or maybe it was her, the girl who came out of no where and swept him off his feet onto a magic carpet ride. Cupid seemingly ran out of arrows and then the resident devil came back with a vengeance, the invader was vanquished aided by a few helpings of alcohol. A lip lock seemed a fitting tribute to mark this occasion, witnessed by his girl. She did not seem to care.The celebrations carried on into the night. And even further. The back seat of a car may not be as endearing as a bubble bath, but then again, infidelity never has endeared anything. Or anyone.

He had found it impossible to answer her calls anymore. Was it Anger? Guilt? Shame? Or maybe a weird combination of all the three, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He could no longer feel his heart call out to her, though she claimed hers did. A seeming hundred missed calls later, he answered one and landed up at her doorstep. He felt her warm body against him, her lips slowly traveling the path from His shoulder to his lips, as an increasingly cold bolt shot through his heart. He felt her take in his scent, her hand playing with the shirt buttons, slowly running them out from the slits. He pulled back and met her eyes. She pushed him away. They say that silences can speak volumes. This one was mute.

He then spoke in a low tone as she confronted him. His eyes refused to meet hers. The bolt through his heart seemed to be shooting searing waves of cold through his bloodstream. He felt numb. Cold. But he came clean. A few seconds and it was over. He could see the hurt and the disappointment etched all over her face. He could feel her shock as he pulled his shirt back on. The air around him seemed to resonate with the magnitude of her grief. As he looked at her, his mind went back to the first time he had seen her. He could feel a strange weight in the pits of his stomach. It was like nothing he expected. Where was the anger he had braced himself for? But none of his preparations were able to stop the tidal wave of shame that followed. Unable to handle it anymore, he walked out without daring to steal as much as a glance at her. A diminished figure, walking out into the dreary twilight.

At that minute he dived. He felt the water engulf him. Funny how it felt just like diving into a pool of shame.

Melting Moments - 4 - A.D.

2010-01-07T19:05:00.000-08:00

Based on a Story and concept fielded by A.D.

They say that feelings are hard, confusing and complex,
I stand here as proof, scared and perplexed.
Thinking about you most of the time,
trying to find ways to make you mine.
Though stories are fiction and seldom true,
This story is about me and you.

Nothing has changed since the last time we met,
or the last time I called you, when inside I wept,
Talking in the darkness, about how he did me wrong,
and how he left me, when someone else came along.
And then I lay there, trying to express myself,
yearning to hold you, but scared of the consequence.

When I look into your eyes, I loose the power of speech,
What you do to me is so amazing, but you're still out of my reach,
Sometimes I wish i could just talk to you and express how I feel,
But then when I see you, those words out my mouth you steal.
And then I stay there, Mute and Dumb
fear clenching my heart, feeling cold and numb.

- @ A.D. Now stop cribbing that I don't write for you.

Condom Random Condom.

2009-12-31T04:06:00.000-08:00

Sir Whatshizname had a kingdom,
To his people he gave a lot of freedom,
but for all his subjects, however random,
It was mandatory to use a condom.

Whatshizname did a lot of things,
the whole kingdom lost a count of his flings,
but for all of them, however random,
He never forgot to put on a condom.

He fooled around with scores of pretty ladies,
but he was sure he didn't want umpteenth babies,
So who ever he did, how ever random,
He never skipped wearing a condom.

As I said, keeping a count was impossible,
but don't blame him for being irresponsible,
He was safe from STDs, However random,
because Whatshizname always had a condom.

He had learned his lesson the hard way,
When without it, a chick refused to let him have his way,
So now at any hour, however random,
Whatshizname always carries a condom.

Today he has married a pretty girl,
but thoughts of having children at his age makes his toes curl,
Whatever his reasons, however random,
Even post marriage, he still uses a Condom.

You may not have met him or approve of his acts,
But his concerns are not fictional, they are all facts.
So who ever you are, however random,
Be safe, responsible and don't forget the condom.

Issued in public interest - Redeff.

Melting Moments - An evening in the Park.

2009-12-22T09:32:00.000-08:00

He walks in the evening inside the park,
The shadows lengthen as the day grows dark.
As the wind quickens and the sun wanes,
He looks at her with silent restraint.

He looks for it, deep inside her eyes,
And wonders if that is where his love ‘lies’,
He finds but silence amidst the grey,
Slowly, he looks away.

She starts speaking in a low voice,
About the talks that that had sounded so nice,
How she had smiled and forgotten the pain,
While they walked hand in hand, drenched by the rain.

He got no flowers, he got no gifts,
But was always there when she threw her fits,
She yelled at him and called him names,
And yet he loved her, always the same.

He loved her, that she knew,
He had thought she loved him too,
And yet she saw just the fun and games,
Playing along, immune to his pain.

And now he walks alone in the park,
His head bowed low, alone in the dark.
She looks at him with a tear in her eye,
And sees him fade as the day dies.

For you

2009-11-21T22:53:00.000-08:00

It's said that God created love in heaven,
Then down to earth Cupid flew,
A lot of people were struck by his arrows,
But not me and you.

They say a girl and a boy can never be 'friends',
How wrong has this theory proved,
A hundred people may succumb to cupid,
But not me and you.

As we got close the days went by,
The time just rapidly flew.
They said that time causes people to part,
But not me and you.

Though out there years we knew each other,
Our affection slowly grew,
And others thought we were 'In Love',
But not me and you.

A Thousand trails has our friendship faced,
I could name quite a few,
And maybe they could break apart everyone else,
But not me and you.

When ever I was sad, lonely or troubled,
You stuck by me like super glue,
Maybe they think that friendship is just a word,
But not me and you.

I know now that you will soon be gone,
And I can't help but feel blue,
Other friends may be happy without each other,
But not me and you.

And no one in this world may take your place,
It is reserved just for you,
Because your the only one who will understand it is platonic,
When I say " I love you".

Love undone.

2009-11-07T11:08:00.000-08:00

If Love walks down the sandy path,
And peeks into your darkened heart,
Would he find himself there?
Or just misery everywhere?

Let's go back to your childhood years,
Rediscover your dreams and fears,
Were the stories so nice so true?
Was it there that love took root?

The Sleeping beauty, Snow white the fair,
Rapunzel with her long golden hair,
Beauty's beast and the charming prince,
Has life been the same ever since?

Their love was true, their love was deep,
Their trials made your eyes weep,
But in the end when they danced and sang,
Was that where your concept of love began?

But where is it now, the love, the song?
Do you ever wonder, what went wrong?
That concept of love that seemed so nice?
Did it just fade into the twilight?

You want love, or so you say,
And will get it in any possible way,
So will you lie? And will you cheat?
Will your eyes ever really meet?

You will act as per your whim,
and ravish every part of him,
Deprive him and play the game,
And unto you , he will do the same.

You will lie back once the deed is done,
When you have had your share of the fun,
Smile and think how good it feels,
To have left the imaginary for the real.

The love inside you has come undone,
It has been replaced by the sense of fun,
And yet when it ends, you feel the pain,
It drives you crazy, you go insane.

Then you wonder, where those days went,
When the concept of love had not yet end,
Those fairy stories come back to you,
And you are left there, just feeling like a fool.

That love is an illusion is known to the world,
A blatant lie, just another word,
A fling is better, quick and nice,
Though the feeling is as cold as Ice.

The love has died or so you say,
It is you that has helped it down this way,
because even for love you use deceit,
and therein lies love's defeat.

Infidelity

2009-10-24T21:30:00.000-07:00

He saw her smile, as she came close,
slightly tense, slightly forced,
She came to him, tight she held,
As he felt her heart melt.

She looked at him, a tear in eye,
in silence the moments just crawled bye,
the smile was gone, the lie had end,
but still close to her, him she held.

She slowly started telling in a low tone,
about the countless conversations on the phone,
the smiles she had at her end of the line,
while 'he' convinced her that things were fine.

Those late night talks continued into the day,
and slowly had she lost her way,
lying to her love and in his stead,
wandering off to a stranger's bed.

She had opened her heart and her soul,
and let 'his' body devour them whole,
though that fact that of cheating was on her mind,
a way out of lust her body could not find.

She had held 'him' bare, shamelessly and deep,
as she confessed this, she heard herself weep,
but the man in her arms now was as cold as stone,
ever since she started telling him about her nights on the phone.

She told him about how after their fights,
she had sneaked out to the other's place at nights,
indulging her self there and then,
cheating passionately, again and again.

It went on for months and a few weeks,
till one day she had found him cheat,
she had come unannounced and in her stead,
found some other pretty thing in his bed.

He looked down at her, as he felt his love die,
a smile on his lips as he saw her cry,
he pulled away from her, his heart heavy as stone,
opened the door and told her to go home.

The Knight

2009-10-20T09:52:00.000-07:00

Sir Whatshizname was a Knight,
his lance was sharp, his horse was white,
he punished what was wrong, upheld what was right,
and in general gave the bad guys quite a fright.

As you see, his future seemed pretty bright,
to get their daughters married off to him, many-a-father tried,
they smothered him with flattery, deceit and lies,
frankly, it's a wonder how he survived.

Whatshizname by now wanted a bride,
he was tired of fast food and fries,
though Mc Donal's charges pretty right,
the oil on their burgers is not a pretty sight.

"Fair Princess, where art thou!" he cried,
and fretted once his eyes had dried,
untill one fine day a peasant arrived,
and told of a princes who seemed just right.

Immediately our hero got onto his ride,
and rode out to the country side,
looking Jhataak all dressed up in style,
and to woo the princess hard he tried.

A dragon landed just to his right,
to impress the princess, the dragon he must fight,
to give him credit, to be brave he tried.
But under suspicious circumstances, his horse took flight.

So now back at home came the knight,
in front of his mother like a baby he cried,
All the allegations of being a coward he denied,
but in the end I hear it's arranged marriage that he tried.

Paradox

2009-09-09T12:05:00.000-07:00

We've seen it happen across the World,
Around us has a storm unfurled,
We sit and watch, immune to the pain,
While the world around us goes insane.

Our life is safe, our life is good,
while people kill for the sake of food,
We eat a bit, leave some on the plate,
While people starve, it goes to waste.

Live in Peace says the Lord,
While people kill in the name of God,
Where is the peace, where is the faith?
Had no Prophet foreseen this fate?

We say "Make the world a better place",
While people kill to conquer states.
Some bullets and some blood are all it takes.
While the rest of the world watches, and waits.

Emotions, they all go hand in glove,
While people Kill in the name of Love,
Is this the paradox? The twist of fate ?
Is there nothing to distinguish Love from hate?

We've seen it happen across the World,
Around us has a storm unfurled,
We sit and watch, immune to the pain,
While the world around us goes insane.

The Answer

2009-07-17T09:01:00.000-07:00

It's quite all right for you to say,
Let go of all your fears today,
Stop pretending to be strong,
and own up that you were wrong.

Tell me what i need to know,
see through all i I've tried to not show,
be one of my closest friends,
just to be let down by me again.

No one wants to be alone,
and wait for that never to come phone,
dream of her now and then,
Just to be back to the square one again.

I'm not powerful,
i just try hard to keep my cool,
And yes, i try to be strong,
just to find that what i do is wrong.

It's not something i need,
Or someone to take my hand and lead,
I need peace somewhere in my head,
but get this crazy turbulence instead.

I know i can't do it all,
it's like banging my head against a brick wall,
screw the support and F**k the love,
with misery they come hand in glove.

Being patient sounds all fine,
but how do I convince this heart of mine?
What's the point of going with the flow?
When i refuse to believe in love?

It's a crazy world, who has the time?
And when she comes, will she ever be mine?
and how it will turn out who can tell?
though you say in the end, all's well?

It's not about what i fear,
because that can be conquered by just a few beers,
But to stay away from love is what my heart tells,
And it's what i advice everyone else.

As i let you go

2009-05-26T12:02:00.000-07:00

The curtains fall, the lights grow dim,
as the artists take a bow,
a sudden flash takes me back in the past,
As I let you go.

In the sea of memories, i try to swim,
as the thoughts begin to flow,
the tidal wave around me crashes,
As I let you go.

No deed too great, no word too small,
you made me sink so low,
the thought of it now makes me cringe,
As I let you go.

A new sun shines, the days are glad,
and life is all aglow,
And all at once there is peace,
As i let you go.

Melting Moments - 2

2009-05-14T10:49:00.000-07:00

I cant sing like Roy Orbison ,

It's not that i didn't give it a try ,

And as much as say , i can be your Hero,

Like Enrique i just can't cry.

A hundred excuses i search for daily ,

And all of them go waste ,

And though i try to take this lightly,

The thought of you don't let me think straight.

A thousand songs last night I heard ,

So i couldn't sleep a wink ,

This lack of my ability to express my self ,

Is driving me over the brink.

A thousand words , a million lines ,

Flow incessantly in my mind ,

And every time i remember your smile ,

Not even one of those anymore can i find.

Countless moments must have passed ,

Since the moment i saw you first ,

Since then all i can do is think about you ,

To that fate i am Cursed.

I'm not much of a poet ,

I can't seem to make this poem fine,

Which is why i end this attempt here ,

And present to you these lines.

Melting Moments

2009-05-12T21:51:00.000-07:00

She stood at the door and watched him go, his figure rapidly diminishing in the deepening twilight. Slowly as his form disappeared into the settling darkness, her sight grew blurred and a small tear rolled slowly down her cheek. A few steps across the hall took her to the window where she could still see him walk away, away from her life. With a heavy heart her eyes followed his progress down the road, as she settled down to wait, her mind willing her to stop him, to run after him, beg and plead even and ask him to give back all that was now gone. She shook her head in an attempt to clear her thoughts, willing her mind to mute out the pain that seared through her, chilling her heart. As the seconds lengthened into minutes, she stared out into the darkness, her mind whirling down memory lane.

His brown eyes were the first thing she ever noticed, and then the crazy grin on his face. The lips that were turned upwards in a gentle smile and the soft voice that made everything seem so magical!! Love at first sight? Hardly. A karmic Connection? Maybe! And then the conversation that followed. She did not remember much of it, but she did remember that she had laughed a lot. Probably a lot more than she remembered ever laughing in the recent past. How his mannerism had charmed her and made her go weak in her knees. And his scent! The first date at Bascillico with the fantastic Blueberry cheesecake and then the long walk across Pali Hill down to the sea shore. The evening he asked her out, under the stars while driving down Marine Drive. The Daily messaging and the first kiss. She had loved him against both ,her better judgment and that of all her friends. But that had hardly mattered. He was madly in love with her. Or so she thought.

Then the exams started, the late night calls gave way to night cramming sessions and long drives were replaced by the numerous study hours in the Library. His touch felt cold and distant now and his interest seemed to have waned. She had become a lot more aware of how his returning calls had lessened, and his reply to her messages had trickled down to bare minimum. And then how one fine day her friend had seen him at the Local Club, getting Intimate with someone else.

She had willed it away, those thoughts to focus on her exams, unsuccessfully. Every time she thought of him, she felt wild, angry hurt and in pain. After the last paper she had called him. And he had not replied. Her Calls met with a busy tone. Till the next day he called back. She invited him over. He came.

With a flurry of emotions and a thousand random thoughts in her head she had opened the door for him. A painfully lingering thought, banished as he abruptly swept her off her feet, and carried her inside. All doubts forgotten she had responded, as like the old, feeling him around her. But then right in the midst of it, as she felt him against her, all the thoughts returned in a crescendo. Pushing him away she had confronted him in a horse voice, willing all of it to be untrue, hoping that he would refute all the allegations, prove all of them wrong. Waiting for it to happen, pinning all her hopes on her dreams and happiness to return. It never happened. A few seconds and it was over, His loose shirt hung around him as he pulled in back on, haunted with the same smell that had smelt so pleasant just a few minutes back. And then he walked out of the door, without as much as backward glance to the eyes following his progress into the twilight.

In a quick motion she got up and hit the shower. Maybe drowning herself under the warm shower would take away the cold that she seemed to be drowning in.

Wake up call.

2009-04-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

Every single day i open the newspaper i find a new thing to disgust me. Dirty politics, un-healthy legislation , oppression , farmer suicides , corruption and most lately, rape. Every single day , in some paper or the other this ugly word comes up, often in the headlines. And every single day all of us when we read about all this utter Bull Sh*t happening around us, in our country or even in our neighborhood itself, we shake our heads, take another sip of our morning tea and say ' This country is going to the dogs".

What are we going to do about it? The laws in our country are often made by politicians , some of them with barely any qualifications and they make our laws, they form the government. They govern us. This is the fact of life, they determine what is right, wrong, legal , illegal. They say you can be only as good as your representative is. Look at your representative. Is that really the person you want representing you? A number of legislations today that have caused an uproar are still going strong, take for example the reservation of 50% seats for 5% of the countries population. What ever happened to the concept of merit? Or has it disappeared? Give scholarships. But reservations?

Rape is a fundamental social evil. And yet it is happening around us. Let's be frank about this. If seven years minimum term in jail is not enough to deter anyone from forcibly indulging in a forced intercourse, what is? Capital punishment? What will that cure? The offender will die in an instant, but the girl, specially being Indian will suffer for the rest of her life.

The story of her humiliation will be printed in all the papers, her family members will be interviewed and a hundred questions will be asked. A few questions will be shot on her character and a few more on her carelessness. The trial will be painfully long and at the end of it, she will be no where. Today in our days of 'open mindedness'' we really do not mind a partner for life who has engaged in sexual intercourse prior to marriage. But what about a rape victim? Will she be accepted in any family? And whats her fault in this? But do people realize this? Not really. What about her future? Are they all gone? just like that in a flash? Fifteen minutes back she was a girl with a life, a proper future and now is that all gone? Will she even complain? Can she expect compassion from the local Constable she goes to lodge and FIR with? How will she look at others in the eye after being scarred? Both physically and emotionally?

And what are we to do about it? Sit around and shake our heads? Do nothing? For once i know i wont. I want to educate people, i want to tell them the consequences of their actions. I want the victims to know that they will get all the support they want. It's upto us, we the youth today to do all this. Our inaction today can be our undoing tomorrow. It could be our sisters or daughters next in the future. The future is ours they say. It's time we did something about it. I know i will.

Touched by an Angel

2009-04-12T20:31:00.000-07:00

They say that Angels sit in heaven,
and lend the stars their light,
but here on earth, there is a girl,
who looked like an Angel that night!

The sun had gone down in the west,
the moon was not yet its brilliant white,
and through the darkness you walked to me,
Like an Angel that night!

The silver light around you swirled,
and lit up your brilliant smile,
the moonbeams they enrobed you,
Like an Angel, that night!

As you came close, the world stood still,
my heart didn't feel quite fine,
and in the darkness your voice echoed,
Like an Angel that night!

You sat down right next to me,
I lost all track of time,
and even the moon came down to see you look,
Like an Angel that night!

I never saw this part of you,
we usually just tend to fight,
but for the first time you struck a chord,
Like an angel that night!

But all good things do come to an end,
you stayed but just a while,
and through the darkness you melted away,
like an angel that night...

You touched my heart as you walked away,
I still miss that shining light,
All I want is one chance with you,
Oh Angel in the night!

The Invasion

2009-04-06T05:13:00.000-07:00

He smiled as an icy touch clenched his heart. Standing still, a probe punctured him, immersing itself in his thoughts, and reaching out though his blood till his entire body felt as cold ice. They were going through his thoughts now. He felt them flinch as they encountered his defenses.

"No, I shall not let you! " He screamed in defiance as waves upon waves crashed against his defenses, threatening to tear them down like a castle of playing cards. He clutched his head in disbelief. "No, this cannot be happening now. Not like this, please Oh God!" He held his head slightly as a spasm appeared briefly on his face. Then smothered it in an instant, smattered with a quick fake smile and seasoned with a few words to make conversation. The cold tentacles threatened to engulf him and make him wither. He could feel them rallying their forces now, ready to launch a quick offensive. "Action Stations" shouted his head as he prepared for the impending siege. He braced himself as he cleared the Cheque and walked out to the car, taking the key from the valet. Putting the key in the slot, the car roared to life. Just as the blow fell.

He felt the entire might of his preparations give way as the cold assaulted with all the force it could muster. Waves upon waves just seemed to rush in and his defenses gave way like matchsticks in a storm. His car scrapped the front , he gunned the accelerator as he hit the open street. "Whats wrong with you?" she screamed.

He dropped her to the destination. Got of the car, Ravaged. Tiered as he inspected first hand the damage done. To his car and to his very mind. The cold had poured in and settled. They had ravaged his very memory , feeding and growing upon him, effecting his very soul. He settled down on the seat and prepared for the drive home.

They had won again, His guilty thoughts.

Don't fade away

2009-02-25T10:44:00.000-08:00

Think of it every Second,
You don't know how it feels,
Don't know if it's an illusion,
Or something very real,
The lights have faded slowly
and it's dark in here,
am sitting in a corner,
Yet things are crystal clear.

I've got to tell you that I,
Didn't know what to think about out it,
If or not iv got try.....

You keep me firmly grounded,
and make my thoughts take flight,
destroy those fears unfounded,
light up the morning sky.
Stand by me every second,
even when i let you go,
Catch me when i start falling,
pick me when i feel low

Can't seem to find you and I,
Don't know how to go about it,
If or not iv got try.....

Justice. And it's Manifestations

2009-02-22T18:52:00.000-08:00

" How many people in this word deserve what they get? And how many get what they deserve?" - J.R.R. Tolkien (Lord of the Rings)
Bulls Eye.

As i read through the last few pages, my mind had already began to wander. No special occasion this, just a stray tendril of thought, the mischief of the same book that i held in Hand. And at the center of the turmoil was one word, Justice. 'To kill a mockingbird' Does that to you. The story of how justice does not necessarily get administered, the truth about an innocent man, brought to light in the courtroom, yet convicted, sentenced to capital punishment under the charges of rape, just because of the color of his skin, make you wonder about Justice. And it's manifestations.

As much as the story is based in the past, i couldn't help but bring it across the time warp and the seven seas to the modern day Indian concept. Maybe the methods have changed, maybe the scenario has changed, but even as on date, is justice actually served? Is it that freely available? Is it universal? Unbiased? Free flowing? Does it even fit into the meaning of the word justice as it's common interpretation or as it should be understood? We see wrong being done on every level. We indulge in it ourselves. I know i have. I have done wrong, knowingly and i have seen the same happen all around me, with the blame pinned on someone else, or no one.

I study law. It's what i do for a qualification. It's what i may do for a living, for life. And i see the same thing through two different points of view. A part of what i study and a part of me that still identifies with the millions who fight for their rights. I see violence, with people increasingly taking the law into their own hands, dispensing so called 'Justice" with stick and stone. I see apathy, racial discrimination, financial conditions and grudges play a major role is determining the so called Justice which is been laded out by the public at large, greatly spurred on by open political backing.

Whatever may be the name:- Standing up for rights, protests , Moral policing or the million other excuses certain anti-social elements can dig up to curb our fundamental rights in exchange for exposure of any kind, harping on their interpretation of culture and enforcing their so called views on others under the name of justice. Is this what Justice is supposed to ultimately De-generate down to? Is this what the future looks like?

The first thing my law study would like to impress upon me is that lawyers are meant to uphold and bring about Justice. Maybe true, right to representation is an universal right given to all. But lawyers are humans. How many people can actually afford a good lawyer? And how does it help in dispensing justice in what is finally a courtroom battle between two contestants? How often are the two sides coming from different economic background evenly matched? The rich get access to the best lawyers, the best resources and consequently often the best results. Lawyers are not to blame, maybe. They as working professionals reserve the right to quote their asking price depending on what they or their clients think their value addition is. And frankly, in good commercial sense, generally the quantum of the fees vary in direct proportion to how good the lawyer is. Then again is the all important 'setting'. Your relationship with the judges, the jury, your peers and the clout you hold also often has a direct relationship with the verdict. It's common knowledge that a lot of 'setting' goes on. So what does that make lawyers? Dispensers of justice? Or quite the opposite? Again at the end of the day, it's nothing personal, just professionalism. To do what you have to for your client. Fight to Win. Code of ethics, defend your client. Maybe a year down the line I'll put on the coat and join those ranks. As what, i wonder.

Justice, what about it's defense? Is there anyone listening?

How to save a life - A story unfolds

2009-01-31T21:08:00.000-08:00

Below is my own version of the hit song from the Fray " How to save a life". It is sung to the same tune. Hope you like it!! I take no credit in the same.

Step one you say "We need to talk",
She says "Sit down, It's just a talk"
Walks slowly up to you,
You draw back throughly confused,
as the twilight dims the light,
And the day passes in to the night,
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
somewhere along this distance,
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let her know that you know best,
Cause in your mind you know, she knows the rest,
Try to try to cross her mind's fence,
and comprehend her silence,
Tell her a list of what is wrong
The things you've told her all along
And pray to God she hears you
And pray to God she hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As she begins, you hear her voice
You lower yours and grant her one last choice
Pull until you break the ropes,
and the line you so carefully followed
She will say one or two thing,
You will admit to everything
Or she'll say your just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Now she's there somewhere in the darkness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

How to save a life
How to save a life

Aditya signing off Ma'm

2009-01-28T09:16:00.001-08:00

I felt like writing this little rhyme,
to tell you all that lay in this heart of mine,
though it is not my best i fear,
It's got all that i wanted you to hear...

It never was about touching your body,
but about being one with your heart, your soul,
Because talking to you made me feel happy,
And seeing you smile made me feel whole.

A thousand words for a hint of a smile,
a million prayers to ward away the tears,
staying back in office to meet you a while,
And messaging into the wee hours.

Walking by your side, sometimes for hours,
while the Diwali lights lit up the sky,
paying the beggar girl to give you some flowers,
as the time just seemed to fly.

You never heard what i tried to say,
what i tried to tell you, day after day,
I kept wondering what and how to say,
to tell you where my heart truly lay.

But now that it's gone,over and done ,
and i lie penning my thoughts in the dark,
again i remember the your eyes and smile,
and long for those days that have passed.

Well it's a fitting ending,
after a long wait,
As iv found out,
Now, that it's too late.

What he seeks.

2008-12-20T19:22:00.000-08:00

He walks among the everyday crowd,
works six days a week,
hanging out of the train, music playing loud,
he doesn't know what he seeks.

A day at work, a night with friends,
a walk down the street,
striving every time to prove a point,
that inside, he is not weak.

With just books and games as company,
some called him a geek,
while others around made fun of him,
they thought he was a freak.

There were the days when the days grew dim,
and his tears would start to leak,
and looking at him, alone down below,
the heavens would start to weep.

Even though he walks among the crowd,
and works six days a week,
he's not quite the same as everyone else,
he doesn't know what he seeks.

Publish Post

Back to the square one, again.

2008-12-19T19:19:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking of what to write,
waiting for my thoughts and imagination to take flight,
so here i sit with a paper and pen,
just to realize I'm back to the square one again.

I'm tired of thinking day and night,
wondering how to resolve this thing without a fight,
feeling like conversing there and then,
but never ending it, back to the square one again.

I may not have the wisdom or the light,
to guide me though this dark night,
but how do i get to kindle it when,
I know I'll be back to the square one again?

All my questions you answer, alright,
but maybe i need to have my own fight,
but whats the point of finding solutions when,
you just know, you will be back to the square one again.

A countless conversations both day and night,
about the same thing and what's wrong and right,
I'm still left like a desert, parched without rain,
back to the square one again.

We , the Indians.

2008-11-26T20:49:00.000-08:00

This is for you. My city went through something yesterday. Something uncalled for. Something, that will be remembered by most of my people for a long time. They will not forgive. They will not forget. These wounds don’t heal soon. And we won’t let the bleeding stop.

My people . Mark these words. You have hurt them. You have tried again and again to break us, to make us loose our spirit. To make us feel alone and scared. I do not know who you are. I have not seen your faces. It maybe that you have a good reason for what you have done, maybe you do not. You might have been picked up on, wronged, persecuted for some event you were alien to. Maybe you are fighting for a perceived right. Maybe it is religion. Maybe it’s the money. Maybe it’s not.

Whatever your reasons maybe, what you have done is make us bleed. You have taken a few of us hostages, you have let a few of us slowly bleed onto oblivion and some of us you have just blown up with your explosions, into a void where the rest of us cannot get to them. Worse still, some of us you have left hanging at the death’s door, wondering if our names will be called. However there is one thing common amongst all of us. You have left us scarred. Some of us physically and some of us emotionally. Things will never be the same again.

Let me make one thing clear. We, all of those who you have hurt, are not just a country, but a family. I have read the pledge on the first page of my school textbooks, the one that states India is my country. All Indians are my brothers and sisters. Yes , we do fight, we do quarrel and sometimes raise our hands on each other. We have our own complications. But then which family does not? Look at us. You may think we are different. We have different hues, languages , behavior, accent , faiths and temperaments. We are a diverse family, demographically as well as geographically and I do not deny this. We have our own issues and agendas. But mark my words. We may not be one, but we are the same. A family.

We fight amongst ourselves, but we do not entertain others to interfere in our family affairs. Yes, we will settle out our petty quarrels as well as our big feuds. We never asked for an arbitrator, and yes we do not welcome external aggression. For the name sake we are divided into a million communities, but frankly, it’s not about being a ‘Marathi manoos’, a ‘Bhaiya’ , a ‘Gujrati’ or a ‘Punjabi’ or any other names we give each other or ourselves. It’s not about being a Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Christian , Zoroastrian, Jew, Buddhist or the hundred other faiths we follow. To you were are and should be, just ‘INDIANS’. And as I have told you, we are a family. You hurt anyone in the family. You hurt all of us. Oh, and we don’t take getting hurt kindly.

Yesterday my mothers and sisters have twisted uncomfortably in their beds wondering if their son’s and husbands , brothers and friends will all come home safe. The guests to my family, they have been hurt too. We have been up all night, jamming the mobile networks to check up on all our near and dear ones. You have spoilt our sleep, our peace and mostly our kindness. My sleep has been destroyed by your activities. We have lost our family members. How do we forgive? Or how do we forget?

Yet I do not know your face. I do not know why you have done this. Maybe I want to know this. Maybe I don’t. However I do know that you have not succeeded. Our family members have died due to your actions. More of them died trying to stand up to you. That’s what a family is all about. None of those who tried to stop you wondered what faith or country the hostages were. None of the people who helped rush the wounded on the streets to the hospitals, or let others into their home for shelter wondered if the person they are taking in was a Ram, Khan , Singh or Richard. They just knew that their family was in danger. They did what a family does. And today, while the conflict is still on, most of my family members are out already, doing their daily chores. Their jobs, their work, or just taking care of the rest of us. They will spread this message. We stand together, we stand tall.

We have each other’s back, no matter what initial impressions about us say. And we do not break that easy. We refuse to do so. Not now, never.

I Don't need you

2008-11-05T10:10:00.000-08:00

I guess i'v made it obvious enough,
our conversations have been but a few,
And in case you got it all wrong let me spell it out,
I Don't need you.

You've been there to pull me down,
The whole deal stinks like a public Loo,
And just on record i'm repeating myself,
I Don't need you.

When ever i tried to be happy and glad,
You've forced me to feel blue,
And just in case it didn't quite register,
I Don't need you

A hundred people about us whisper,
and wonder why outta proportion this situation blew,
And this, yes this is for their special benefit,
I Don't need you

And though this is not addressed,
You probably know who i refer too,
heck , if your still reading this pathetic excuse for a poem,
One last time , for your benefit ... I Don't need you

The Silly love song!!

2008-10-15T09:02:00.000-07:00

They think that I'm going crazy,
that I'm obsessed with you,
I couldn't care less about that baby,
Since I'm in love with you.

When you're around the sun comes out,
The sky turns a lovely blue,
So it's been spring all this time,
Since i'v been lovin you!

Without your smile the day goes dark,
The flowers refuse to bloom,
And a little voice in my head whispers,
"It's all because of you".

A hundred ways to make you mine,
I'v tried out quite a few,
The last i knew i gave up Olives,
All cus I love you!

They think that i'm going crazy,
That I'm obsessed with you,
I couldn't care less about that baby,
Since I'm in love with you.

The Tempest of change

2008-09-29T14:22:00.000-07:00

Another day and nothing's changed at all,
The world whirls around as i endlessly fall,
I look around wildly but there's no one to call,
And then i find myself , back to a brick wall.

No deed too great,
no worry too small,
I don't want to beg no more,
No, i don't want to crawl.
It's been a long time coming,
But now its here to stay,
And in the darkness i see it,
a faint glimmer or light far away.

While through the Darkness it is that i wade,
as the storm ravages and the world fades,
looks like i'm finally getting out of my checkered past,
and moving forward to meet my Destiny at last.

Beautiful day!!!!

2008-09-15T19:57:00.000-07:00

It's been long enough i say,
since that long gone new year's day,
a blurred memory, a shadowy past,
though the images just don't seem to last.

I've been waiting for you all this while,
standing patiently at your corner with a ready smile,
Shivering silently, drenched by the rain,
looking out for you, till the lights began to wane.

Beyond reason, muting the pain,
the flashbacks make me go insane,
the blur of your presence , the heaven scent,
but maybe I'm just stuck too long in the moment.

I've re-opened this book today,
and I see that most of your pages have torn away,
and it's making me smile as i pen this down and say,
Good lord , today's a beautiful day!

The Four letter word

2008-09-05T04:40:00.000-07:00

FLASHBACK

One of the most over-hyped words in the world today is probably the four letter word as we know it. A hundred thousand people claim to be in it, a few million here and there claim to have felt it and a few billion believe in it... The rest however believe that it is a purely hypothetical and convenient arrangement. This is where my story started. Just another morning. And that’s when I saw her.

The world stood still, as time seemed to rapidly diminish into immateriality. There she stood, as fresh as the early morning dew on the petals of an exotic flower, enticing exciting and endearing all at one time. A sparkle in the light brown eyes, enough to set your heart ablaze when you looked at her, and yet amongst that warmth , when her soft gaze met yours, a chill up your spine , up to your heart in a flash , like a cold fist nestling around the embers of it’s warmth. Refusing to melt, refusing to let go, yet infuriating the blaze instead of extinguishing it. There she was the angel of my eyes. Standing in front of me in person.

You would expect. This to be the most comforting thing in the world, but frankly in this world, nothing is as it seems. Her aura shone though her mortal presence, and she glimmered in many a brilliant lights. A scene like which you have never seen. A subtle aroma of her fragrance clouded my mind, made me loose my mind. Everyone knew I was in it…. Over my head. But me, I realized it too late. When the lights had dimmed, she had gone, I had never got her. Flashed passed, a distant memory. A midsummer’s night’s dream.

And that is exactly where I stand at the moment; In that peculiar condition, as if awaking from a deep slumber. I wow to find out what magic this is. This four letter word. It did things to me I never though possible and it is one mystery I will unravel. In an effort to bring to light the truth, I shall play investigator trying to get to the bottom of this mystery. It is a long dark and dangerous journey. Where this will lead, who knows? And yet, it has to be done. The future beckons. Nothing is going to be the same again.

I write this as my diary as I decide to set out on this journey. It is a dark and rarely trodden path. I might come back, changed, permanently scarred, if at all I return. I shall however appreciate any sort of feedback or questions as I traverse this path. The journey has begun. I set out now.

The End

2008-08-27T05:32:00.000-07:00

Looking out of the window far away,
The sun sinks low, the lights fade,
But as the brilliant orange fades to grey,
A restless mind begins to stray.

Unable to focus on the task at hand,
Remembering the fairy with her magic wand,
The dazzling eyes, the brilliant smile,
To get over it all would take a while.

Along the road the ocean roars,
As it mirrors his fury upon the sea shore,
The wind screams, the heavens weep,
In the form of rain its tears sweep.

In his head is a deafening sound,
Oblivious to what is going on around.
Narrowly missing by a speeding car,
Lost in her thoughts, so near yet so far.

Amidst the darkness the light he finds,
It calms his heart, clears his mind,
A different road, from now he would tread,
His story with that princess had just end.

Most memorable quotes from my life

2008-08-20T13:11:00.001-07:00

A Compilation of the most memorable original quotes in the recent time in my life:-

1. " Who took your interview 'KB' ? If it was me , i would not have taken you only" - Samir Parmar ( Car ride back from Technova , 2008 )

2. " I love her , but i cannot trust her, you know what I mean dude." - Shardul Malviya ( Juhu Mocha 2008 )

3. " Censored" - MU. (Mittal Towers, 8th Floor , 2008 )

4. "You will probably end up convincing her before you can convince me anyway." - Hemali Rajkotia ( EMCO Thane , 2008 )

5. "Dude , for you with her , it's like standing next to someone else's Ferrari, you can feel it , see it , but someone else actually gets to enter and ride it." - Aditya Ajgaonkar ( Shushil Apartments , 2008 )

6. " I'm a jerk of the first order" - Aditya Ajgaonkar ( Telephone conversation , 2008 )

7. "Don't you have any excuse except Mood nahin hai? Amazing man , so on your suhagraat , when your wife comes into the room Mood Nahin Hai, bolega kya?" - Chirag Gandhi , Aditya Ajgaonkar , Dhruv Killawalla , Shardul Malviya (Barista , 2005)

8. "You have rooms in the Meredian , and you invite your friends along! Are you frikkin outta your mind? Get a chick, idiot."- Chirag gandhi ( Le Royale Meredian,2008 )

9. ""Don't worry bro.... I wont let you die a virgin :- Anwar Abid ( FacebooK 2008 )

10. "Can you guys atleast pretend to be interested in the subject instead of playing X and O right in front of me on the second bench? It's not the best for my morale during the 7 AM lecture you know."- ( whatshername Commerce professor , N.M. College, 2006 )

The Champions of this world!

2008-08-11T04:07:00.001-07:00

People often ask us, they often wonder,
What makes us who we are, how we fight lightning and thunder,
Through out the day and into the night,
Brave hearts, all of us, defying our plight.

Though hardships litter our way,
For god’s sake, we have a lousy pay,
Perfection our will and knowledge our might,
We are heroes, setting wrong things right.

An exile of three years and a half,
Full of work, studies, exams (Ugh!) and laughs,
And though the end seems very far,
In the end, trust me, we’ll give you a lift in our Mercedes cars.

Chartered Accountants is what we will be,
For yes that is our destiny,
Though ‘Articles’ are what we are called today,
“We’re the Champions of the word”, is what we say.

The angel in my eyes

2008-07-31T23:42:00.000-07:00

The dark clouds have not yet broken,
It’s been quite a while ,
And through the darkness I see you,
The angel in my eyes.

The darkness threatens to engulf me,
The sun refuses to shine,
And yet I walk this stony path,
Guided by your light.

Distant but never too far,
You occupy every thought of mine ,
And yet when I work at getting to you,
It seems a million miles.

Your radiant face beckons me,
I’m driven by your smile,
And yet you seem too far away,
Far away from my life.

A hundred voices in my head,
Wonder how I survive,
That's when I smile and point at you,
The angel in my eyes.

The time of your life

2008-07-11T09:34:00.000-07:00

'Beautiful girl! Stay with me!'- ( Beautiful girl - INXS )

He echoed the words in a low murmur as he adjusted the music volume, walking alone down the street, alone in the crowd. The night pressed around him , engulfing him in its wet embrace, moist, yet pleasant. He picked up pace, eager to return home , tired , exhausted and weak after yet another day.

An ascent up the foot bridge, a glance at the indicator and the flight of stairs down his right hand side led him onto the platform.
'Good timing'
A minute left for the train.
The world swung into motion, He stood still . It felt good.

" Hanging by a moment here with you!" - ( Hanging by a Moment - Lifehouse )

An occasional light in the darkness crawled past, the wind blew through his hair, the music played in the background. A change in pace , a familiar sound of the train changing track. The world sped by as the lyrics engulfed his mind.

'Bad idea'
The next station appeared , materializing rapidly in the dark , its lights shining brightly in the darkness , growing life size every passing moment and yet the world refused to slow down. " The fast track eh?" he mused. A faint smile appeared on his lips.

'I wish I could know if the directions that I take and all the choices that I make, won't end up all for nothing' ( Crawling in the dark - Hoobstank )

A brilliant flash rapidly engulfed by the darkness ,illuminated platform tiles weaving a rapid pattern and then a rumble over a bridge. He had made a mistake and it had not bothered him the least.

" Is this what i have become? "

And I’ve got nothing to say ,I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face - ( Somewhere i belong - Linkin park )

The station loomed up into the distance, and then sped past. his smile matured into a smug grin. " Reality check? Have i missed out on my actual destination trying to get there quickly? Is this what bothers me? Is this why i feel low without any apparent reason? Or am i attaching too much importance to something that i don't need to? "

 Far away, This ship is taking me far awayFar away from the memories
 Of the people who care if I live or die - ( Starlight - Muse )

Seconds lengthen into light years when thoughts go reflective. The mind goes ballistic and all reason fails. Quicksand - The more you struggle , the more it engulfs you.

He looks up as the next station swings past him. " Are things out of my control here? Can't i stop? Was my fate sealed the second i strayed off track? Did i calculate wrong attempting to reach my destination early? Is this a one way street? I know where i stop next. I'v seen it coming the second i realised i was on this track. But does that change a thing? My destination has been overshot. My plans have come crashing down around me.

Is this the result of willful negligence? Will i ever know what prompted me forget to look before i leap? The time that has rushed bye will never come back to me now. Will i be able to undo what i have done?

I don't want to be the one, Who battles always choose
Cuz inside I realize
That I'm the one confused - ( Breaking the habit - Linkin Park )

Mental battles are best left unexplored. They hurt. He could feel a tight fist clench his heart questioning many of his dubious decisions. When the blow falls , it falls hard. In a state of daze , loosing against himself he looks up. The train is gone. He is on the open street. He wonders why he did not catch a train back. He is down , in the very depths of surrender.

A falling star , Least i fall alone ( It ends tonight - The all American rejects )

A disturbed mind is no armor , a weakened confidence no helm , a broken will no weapon and shame is certainly no livery when you face yourself and your conscience in an open combat. You loose. Or you loose. Or you win and yet.... it is never complete. And yet if you do not face your rival , the threat remains. The threat of extinction. The fear of loosing what ever you stand for.
Even Against yourself.

I walk this empty street, On the Boulevard of broken dreams - ( Boulevard of broken dreams - Greenday )

A walk down the road. Déjà vu. Crossroads. Decisions. He looks up . Why? why was he walking in the direction opposite to that of his house? He had been here before, how ever at a different time , in a different situation , a different person. But times had changed. It was no longer the same. The corner had never seemed so dark. In fact the corner seemed to be blindingly bright. She was there.

I don't believe you, you're not the truth! ( Pretty Woman -Roy Orbison )

And yet there he was... a believer. A false moment , a random meeting , nothing that made sense. Those eyes ,the ones he would never forget , the half smile , the set hair. The crazy fun! The late night talks , his feelings for her. How she had rocked his world and how his world revolved around her anyway. The millions of jokes he cracked everyday, just to annoy her so that he could make it up to her later! The magic. How he had adored her! Missed her when he was sad , and pined for her when he was happy. How they had laughed together.... and not let each other cry ever!

And all I can taste is this moment  
And all I can breathe is your life  
Cause sooner or later it's over  
I just don't want to miss you tonight - ( Iris - Goo Goo dolls )

The subtle flirting sometimes , or the not so subtle hitting on more or less every other second! Footsie under the library table and the first kiss ever! The first kiss , that made everything else so irrelevant at that moment. Her innocence, her care!

The sea face was over in a flash. The memories were livid. He could feel her near him.... her aura surrounding him..... he closed his eyes.

But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you. - ( Your Beautiful - James Blunt )

And it had got over. He din't know why . It just dint seem to matter how hard he had tried. Everything had broken like a promise , shattered like a dream , stuck like a record... playing the same old song. Of how it had just got over, and nothing he said had managed to change it. He had immersed himself in his work , in his family and his friends but the feeling just had gone...probably never to come back.

And I never wanna say goodbye
 But girl you make it hard to be faithful
 With the lips of an angel - ( Lips of an Angel - Hinder )

The rain started pouring down the spray wetting his face. With a start he looked around , the showrooms flashed bye as he stared out into the night.
The bus rolled to a halt and he got off. His feet raw from all the walking he had done. Every step seemed to hurt , each more than the last.

It's just a moment, This time will pass - ( Stuck in a moment - u2 )

'Maybe it was meant to be , maybe we were never meant to be , maybe I'll have a fresh start. Maybe I'll get another chance.' a string of maybe's ran through his head. As he approached the doorway he stopped. He looked up . Smiled. The lyrics of the song ran though his head.

Everything was all right in this world. Well. Almost.

Life just isn't

2008-07-02T09:32:00.000-07:00

Life , It just isn't.

A hundred thoughts go around in my head wondering about life.

I've been remembering this line " Life just isn't " quite a bit. And it started making me think a lot. I usually hate thinking , because its often caused unwanted results , agony and complicated decisions. But this time i guess it was just meant to be.

A lot of thought went into putting this down and i believe it has clarified a lot of things for me.

Life isn't about worrying. It has never helped anyone and probably never will.

Life isn't about being scared , its about facing your worst fears.

Life Isn't about your worst fears , its about conquering them.

Life isn't about 'conquests over ', its about 'reconciliation with'.

Life isn't about reconciliation , its about utilizing your chances.

Life isn't about the chances you got , but the opportunities you took.

Life isn't about opportunities that were lost , but the appreciation of what you have.

Life isn't about being content with what you have , its about ambition.

Life isn't about pure ambition, its about keeping your feet on the ground.

Life isn't about staying on the ground, but taking flight.

Life isn't about flying high, its about setting your sights higher.

Life isn't JUST about setting your sights higher but also your essence intact.

The essence of life is not about making compromises , its about living your life on your terms.

Living on your life on your terms does not include forgetting other around you.

Remeber your parents , they gave you your life.

Remember that things change , people change , change is the only constant.

But all that can change if you change the way you look at it.

Which brings us back to you.

You are important. You are powerful. You are empowered. You do not need to change. You need to evolve. You always have a choice. You can be better than anyone you want. You do not need to better anyone. You can beat the benchmark. Infact you can be the benchmark. Hey , YOU ARE THE BENCHMARK. Recognize that in you and feel strong and see how beautiful life is.
That is life.

Feel the magic. Every time you make a person smile you create magic. You are a magician.

Are you smiling now?

That Lovin feelin!

2008-06-28T06:44:00.000-07:00

So just when you thought things don't get random , or funny they get erm.. well, complicated. Yes i'm talking about that 'lovin' feelin! Yeah!

Whats wrong with the world around me? Everyone seems to be bitten by the 'lub' bug.

Is it the rain? Is the ambiance , or is it just a freak coincidence that everyone i know seems to be falling for someone or the other.

*Note:- Everyone DOES NOT include Shardul , well because he is immune. It does not include Chirag , well because of 'N' number of issues plaguing his class life ( Yes CAT classes can do things for a person's social life ) . Krunal seems to be in love , but then stock market as an object of affection just does not count. As for Dhruv, well he is not included. Just. No reason. Sue me.

Ahhh , back to the 'Love Shmuv' topic.

It's an epidemic i tell you , which is at the moment leaving an extraordinary number of girls with thier hearts broken and a greater number of guys , well just broke. Hey , dont look at me with those accusatory eyes , i say it the way i see it. Not that things remain the same. The same thing that used to be taken as a compliment a few years back is taken as 'Hitting on" as of today. ( Confirmed it within the last 24 Hours , used the exactly same line on this real cute friend of mine which i had used 'normally' on another five years back. ( Footnote:- Yes we are just F.R.I.E.N.D.S , and that too not the 'jhoot moot' ka friendship)

The result was startling.

She called me a flirt.

Fancy that.

Me?

A Flirt?

Haw! ( Thats a sound effect )

Pish ! ( Another one )

Not possible , I mean hey , its me!

I dont flirt?

heck I don't flirt!

I dont even know what flirt means!

come to think of it i don't know how to spell 'flirt' either.

It's all a big mistake i tell you, it's the love epidemic , this mistakening of a normal compliment to be flirting.

I mean all i did was say ( amongst other undisclosed things )- "Hey! Your lookin very pretty today!"

Now , is that not a good thing to say?

Talk about it. I tell you i'm very misunderstood. Besides, hey , Love's in the air!

I'v been lucky enough to escape it till now , but frankly i'd implore all my friends to watch out.

Spread the message! Not the Disease!

I'm bringing drama back!

2008-04-06T22:19:00.000-07:00

Welcome one , welcome all. Please be seated in those wonderful chairs you got right in front of your monitors. Grab a bag of chips , or a box of cookies , sip on a juice or a cola. Relax. And never doubt my hospitality again. (ps. do leave comments behind)

Oh yes i'm bringing drama back. Selling anything today is a lot easier when you have the words free on it. Or sex for that matter. Or a rather obvious combination of both of 'em. ( Source , some damn newspaper article). So basically drama needs a comeback . And I'm hired on a futile fight to combat free sex. Oh and DO , please DO confirm that sarcasm sells.

Oh the content of this blog is not meant to be obscene , or offend anyone. but sometimes these things do happen. In case of any such unpleasant unilateral incidents , do avoid taking me to court.

Besides , reading this blog is subject to inherent to standard risks. Frustration , anger , irritation and an urge to manhandle me might be a few of the symptoms of being a prey to this blog. And please take this very seriously.

Legal disputes if any will be subject to the jurisdiction of the non existant local court of google land. So dont even think of it.

Besides , madness takes it toll. Please tender exact change.