Musings on love

 

To write on love is a vexing task,

What form is apt, one might ask?

A dissertation upon that bittersweet curse,

Codified in an asymmetric verse,

Always poetry,

Never prose.   

 

A fleeting glance to catch the eye,

A smile to make one feel alive,

Words heard on a rainy night,

Letters that cause thoughts to take flight,

Never opened,

Never spoken.

 

A fleeting touch to the hand,

Makes you fly away to a fantasy land,

A place where thoughts can meet,

A warm rug for tired feet,

Never stopping,

Forever walking.

 

To the rhythm of the universe,

Nothing less than a miracle,

Two hearts beat in concentric circles, 

Seeking out their centre point,

Never meeting, 

Ever beating.

 

What leads up to that stolen kiss?

Distances that separate or bridges that bind?

A beating heart and a mind that yearns,

A seismic shift in the world one knows,

Never answered,

Always untold.

 

 

 

About a girl

I’ve been looking for a place forever,

A place I could call my own,

An idea, a thought or a sliver of joy,

Someplace that I could call home.

I’ve been living in this world forever in till now,

But yet nothing seems familiar and well,

The sand castles in my head on the other hand;

They’ve been washed away by the morning swell.

The world is a very large place they say,

While that may very much be so,

It’s still a struggle to find my place in it,

I find myself pushing myself to be alone,

When life gives me lemonade,

I run around to find the lime,

Well, the limes they don’t present themselves,

I chase them till I run out of time.

And glass of lemonade just stays there,

Perched upon the window sill,

I know what i’ve got is more that fair;

But those limes, they go against my will.

I’ve been the sort that can’t ever be happy,

There’s always this salty twinge,

That smile I give to the world is decided scrappy,

A sea of tears brims within.

I’ve bound myself tight with ropes of joy,

Upon the bedrock of the best love I could find,

Nothing more they think a girl can ask for;

But my soul cant keep up with my mind.

I don’t have wings, but I have a need to fly;

I’d rather plummet to the earth than stay,

I steady myself every time my thoughts take flight,

Then abort half way down the runway;

My wings are not ready, my heart is too full,

even thought I can no long tarry,

I’ve anchored myself to the deadweight of my thoughts,

This load I can no longer carry.

And while I don’t want to self destruct,

Or fly down that winding stair,

In my eyes I’ve already made a spectacle of myself,

At the very edge of the ledge, but you’ll never find me there.

The Gingerbread Girl V. 3.0

Welcome Ye All,

Welcome Ye back,

I bring you much news!

Of wedding cards,

And dance rehearsals,

All involving my muse!

So where were we the last we spoke?

At toil, fights and errors?

Of Gingerbread and that elusive girl,

About nows, todays and forevers?

So all that baking has somehow stopped,

And the romance is now somewhat of a nag,

The sands of time seem to have just eroded,

And my tummy’s begun to sag.

But yet her smile lights up my heart,

Her eyes bore into my soul,

My eyes still follow her graceful gait,

I’m bit like Alice down the rabbit hole.      

The moments dark now are tender and taunt,

Those moments of sun abound,

And thought she claims she loves me not,

She makes my world go round.

Two Birthdays downs and a third today,

Spellbound as her dreams take flight,

So often has it been that she’s held me close,

But even today she sets my senses alight!!

The Gingerbread Girl Ver 2.0

Come Ye all, come on closer!

We've got song and joy!

I'm back as a bard with a story up my sleeve,

about a gingerbread girl and a boy!

We were at lust when you heard me last,

with her smelling of cake;

and cream cheese, coffee and little Palmiérs,

and various assorted bakes.

But the river of life has onwards flown,

a lot of water under a small bridge,

from the rapids of love to the straits so dire,

disappearing from sight beyond the next ride.

Where do we go? Where are we headed?

Such questions in both the minds;

while the clock ticks faster and the heartbeat stops,

the fates don't seem too kind.

A million mistakes from the fathead bard,

as the sounds of his harp rings;

a puppet show that no one sees,

with no one pulling at the strings.

A dreadful blow and a hopeful heart,

a warmth amidst the cold;

that reddish glow within those bodies,

while the tears begin to flow.

But yet she stays resolute and strong,

holding on to both love and hate.

And in the darkness the lights glow bright,

when a smile eclipses her face.

The smell of baking now then is gone,

Replaced by her own burning scent;

The time goes bye and life takes flight,

let the naysayers lament.

And though I toil, I write and fight,

wade through blunders and errors;

she'll always be my gingerbread girl,

now, today and forever. 

In my head

So how does it feel? 

To be like this?

So much in love,

that you'd steal a kiss?

A burning heath with a dark hole,

the same person who makes you feel whole.

Head over heels with your thoughts in my head,

with you on my mind as I go to bed.

A smouldering fire with ice within,

a murky mind that knows only to sin.

Yes I'm in love, the sort that shows,

My hearts gone to you and the lack of it shows.

Yes I'm in love but I feel so alone.

all alone in the dark with no heart to call my own.

I thought I was clever,

I thought it was good,

I thought I had loved you,

only as much any man should.

I thought restraint was bad,

that there was much more to be had,

In being with you,

being in you.

But I feel alone, In love yet alone;

all alone in the dark with no heart to call my own.

I look up at you to save me from it all,

But I've roughed up my knuckles with all these falls.

You let me in just to shut me out,

And i'm left in the cold to rant and shout.

I crave your warmth, your heart your soul,

without you here, I'll never feel alone.

I thought I had got you but you've slipped away,

and yet over me you hold sway,

You have my heart and you nurse it still,

and through that bond you pull my strings.

And I'm in love, In love all alone,

And I waiting for you to make your way back home.

The Gingerbread Girl!

Come Ye all, come on closer!

We've got song and joy!

I'm back as a bard with a story up my sleeve,

about a gingerbread girl and a boy!

I've been away for quite a while,

and man do I have a tale to tell!

So hear about this girl I met,

and how for her I fell!

She smelt of baking the day I saw her,

s'was quite the brown eyed girl,

surrounded by bagels and cream cheese,

with little crumbs in her curls!

Inside the shop she stood with friends,

bus tickets clutched in her paw,

exchanged them for  I know not what she did,

amidst my bemusement and guffaws!

The seasons passed and there again I stood,

In the same old bagel shop,

with smell of baking still around her,

back into my life she popped.

I looked for her high and low,

until her page I found,

a morning walk was tempered with some coffee,

and her brimming love for hounds.

She blew me hot she blew me cold,

till my nerves began to snap,

and in that shop with all the cream cheese,

upon her I sprung the trap.

She fell for it before she knew it,

Hook, line and sinker!

And before she could say 'help' she was hooked,

with no one around to save her!

And now we lie and watch the world go bye,

and satiate our lust;

the ginger bread girl still smells of baking,

while the fateful shop's gone bust.

An Ode to your fears

We've been in this awhile,

things are slowly getting clear,

Away from the sharp rocks,

this life boat we've steered,

And yet in the those shadows,

insecurities seem to leer,

So here I am penning down,

and Ode to your fears.

There are some grey thoughts that haunt you,

of that I know;

They tug at your heartstrings,

that's such a low blow;

And sometimes you listen up,

when you're out there alone;

Staring blankly at your whatsapp;

fiddling around with your phone.

This dark cloud will bring rain,

and block out the morning glow;

As you sit there by the window,

all alone at home;

The stream of thoughts shall swell up,

and perhaps overflow;

As icy worry seeps into your heart,

and tries to make it cold.

Though rain clouds and flooded streams,

and dangers untold;

I'll stand there on the river bank,

and watch things unfold;

If you feel that you're out of your depth,

I'll throw out a float;

And though these stray thoughts I'll help you,

Steer this life boat.

Fantasies

I've thought of you a lot today,

Wondered out what and If I should say,

we've danced our way upon this subject,

tiptoed around these awkward objects,

yet time has come that I let you know,

and these fantasies now to you I show.

I'd take you out sometime at night,

serenade you in the dim moonlight,

Look deeply into your eyes,

and strip you off all those lies,

make you forget all your fears,

just like you've held me all these years,

Reach through your warmth and touch your heart,

too often have we fallen apart,

No more I say I will hesitate,

as those old yearning for you I resuscitate,

Don't feel guilt and don't feel shy,

Don't push me away or ask me why,

You know those reasons we've heard them over,

We are not getting younger and times not getting any slower.

I think of how I'd hold you close,

how you'd cling to me as I slipped off your clothes,

feel your outline in the dark,

as you hold your breath and stop your heart,

rub my toes upon your feet,

draw you close to hear your heart beat,

play my hands around you awhile,

see you squirm with a naughty smile;

Feel your body move up against mine,

I'm still waiting for that divine sign,

see you rub against my skin,

as you open those doors and let me in,

go all those place i've never been before,

leave my mark, making you want me more,

Feel your body twist around my hips,

As I kiss you deep and feel your lips.

Feel you clutch hard onto the sheet,

as time stands still and our rhythms meet,

play with your hair while you feel shy,

as our elation moves up towards the skies!

 

Are these just fantasies of an idle mind?

It's been years since I've wanted you as mine,

And yet it's cold now where I stand,

As slowly the darkness slips you out of my hand.

A walk in the rain

Walking out in the rain,

Watching it clean the world again,

I let it hide my tears,

And wish it drowns all my fears,

Even as my heart burns,

It is for you that it yearns,

And yes I’m alone,

Taking this long walk back home.

I’d clear my head,

But I think of you instead,

Spiraling downward again,

Via stairs I failed to mend,

You come as a surprise,

Every time I open up my eyes,

And yes I’m alone,

Looking up traces of you on my phone.

I’m living a lie,

Ever since I saw you cry,

And here I stand,

Watching myself lose my best hand,

Throw away the cards,

Cover up some of those scars,

Wanting to get into your head,

Drawing up a dead end instead,

And yes I’m alone,

Struggling to find my way back home.

Melting Moments - The one that got away.

I'm holding on to my breath as I try to pen this down,
a bit nervous and hesitant, but I guess I've had to come around,
been wanting to shout it out, say all the things unsaid,
Not knowing what held me back or what caused me to be afraid.

I've been holding on to my thoughts, largely comprising of you,
waiting with a bated breath and now I feel like such a fool.
Thinking, planning and imagining of how it would be,
of how I could be with you and how we both could be free,
Loose these chains that bind me and do the same to you,
Drive away into the sunset as the people in the movies do,
It takes no more than a pin prick to make somebody bleed,
I've bled like a river, when is it that you will pay any heed?
I'm smiling onto prophesies that spell out my doom,
Filling my head with your photos to try to drive out the gloom,
Going about my days as if nothing is wrong,
unable to banish the thought of you from my mind for long,
Unable to tell you all, fearing that I'll scare you away,
So I pretend to just be with you, without having anything to say,
It's something that I shall carry with me, live with it all my life,
pack away in a corner of my heart, least it create a strife,
I shall have fond memories of you, the girl that got away,
For darkness is coming for me, I don't know how much longer is it that I can wait.

Fleeting designs

A bright light shining in a blackened room,
sets for the scene, a contrast stark,
I sit with it, the table beside,
wondering why it's all still dark.

Around me the world swirls,
a blur of black and grey,
as money evaporates and toys pile up,
but nothing ever really stays.

Why do I squander all that I have,
and pawn to the devil my soul?
Why do I support with deed this vice?
Am I that far gone from ever feeling whole?

I walk the line and balance it out,
but yet the cable still sways,
upon the tight rope I hold my breath,
Wondering if my balance will stay.

Icy tentacles wind around my heart,
They are so cold it burns,
the charred remains of something that once beat,
the faint warmth of innocence spurned.

I stand apart in that room,
the only thing bathed in the dark,
those robes that bound, those lies profound,
all gone, the reality, now it's stark.

A dagger to a vein I take,
the blood flows away into the night,
with it I wish my shadows fade,
for one last time, let me see the light.

The Angel

I felt a bit dark and gloomy today,
So I decided that in my room I must stay,
So upon those lines I acted then,
and sat in my room, thinking for a moment.

It was a bit dull and lonely there,
of this I became soon aware,
So I said lets try something new,
something done by but a few.

I crossed my legs and erased my frown,
and prayed that an angel be sent down,
life has had many secrets now and then,
Won't hurt me know a few of them.

There was a flash of light divine,
the room suddenly smelt of fragrant wine,
I opened my eyes and saw here there,
an angel sent down from heaven, I swear!

Her eyes were brown and so was her hair,
I could see cuts on her, everywhere,
What cruelty is this why this pain?
How could god let it remain?

She smiled at me as she read my thoughts,
She said to me, don't look so distraught,
These cuts on me are all for you,
Through dark nights and storms I have surrounded you,
Made sure when the hammer falls it is I who soften the blow,
When the divine judgement comes, it is me who executes them below,
You know not your luck you mortal man,
even if people try to hurt you no one can,
I bleed for you happily with a smile on my face,
all your fears in your sleep I erase,
You have run away from things and they have chased you afar,
But when they come close to you, I have made them stay far,
I love you with all my might, it's you who do not believe,
you will shout out to god as you cry in your sleep,
gently i'll come and put you in my lap,
I'll protect you from the lightning, mute the thunder clap,
I don't care what you deserve or what you do and when,
for as soon as you need me, I'll be at your side in a moment,
Never feel alone for I watch over you all day,
at nights till your asleep, I never go away,
Watching over you is a full time task,
when you sing in your shower or make your way to class,
I'm there always besides you wether you know it or not,
And i shall come and numb the pain when it hurts you a lot.
And every time I protect you, one cut I will get,
But never fear, I do this job without any regret,
Just be brave, be honorable, care for all those who you can,
For not everyone has angels, some are left to the care of man.
For though you are blessed and I wipe your tears,
I've made you what you are today so that you can wipe away people's fears,
Try stand for all thats good, just and fair,
From cheating others, I know you will forbear,
And I shall willingly take them, carry these scars with pride,
when ever it hurts, I'll take it in my stride.

Just remember what you have been sent down for my child divine,
Do not let it go in vain, this pain of mine,
and when at last your time comes and you breathe your last breath,
I shall stand beside you, even in your death,
And as you ascend to the gates of heaven,
I shall be waiting and you shall see me again.



I heard all this and my tears I dried,
I thanked god with all my might,
For I knew now, what I didn't know then,
that someone was watching out for me from heaven.

A writer's block

It's been a while, It's held me back,
this temptation that I have had to write,
It's a bad time to run out of words,
When parts of your mind are locked in a fight.

I can feel the words being dragged along,
so loath they are to come out,
I've been meaning to write, I promise it's been too long,
but all i've done is scream and shout.

It's been a murky time in this world of mine,
Alternating between a desert and a marsh,
One dry the other wet, but both benign,
my demeanor now exposed as just a farce.

These smiles that I gave have cost me dear,
Who ever said that they came free?
for everyone of them masks some fear,
Why did I think they would spare me?

I was so sure about my thoughts and things,
Now it is all but just a murky haze,
While the world celebrates and the choirs sing,
I walk around in a state of daze.

I want to let go of these thoughts that bind,
But they hold me by my hands,
So now again I walk around dragging my weight,
a landlord, now bereft of all his lands.

Maybe that day will come sometime,
and the light within I'll see,
until then I'll tell myself that i'm fine,
Just fine, being me.

My insanity

Slinking in the shadows,
on a warm summers night,
sulking behind the petals, of flowers.

These strands of darkness encircle me,
so near yet so distant, I want them to leave,
let me be me, But they seem scared, hesitant.

My thoughts soar as everyone's do,
yet now they are pinned to the ground,
that magnificant eagle that once had soared,
has now been shot down.

I try to write as I always do,
Just can't seem to make any of it rhyme,
My thoughts left intact are but a few,
fears haunt my mind.

Illusions plague these hallowed walls, dead kings claim their thrones.
Trying to reach home before the darkness falls, Somewhere far away from home.

In the club!

Flashing lights and booming sound,
I caught her hand, then twirled her around,
Grabbed her waist, held her close,
Then quickly swept her off the floor.

The music around picked up it's pace,
I think she tripped upon my shoe lace,
I held her fast in a graceful move,
as the club around us began to groove.

My eyes slipped to her brilliant smile,
her blood red lips, her dancing style,
Driven on by the music around her I hopped,
Caught quite unawares as the music stopped.

Amidst hushed tones I heard commotion,
Most of us were caught midway through awkward motions,
from screaming out aloud, myself I stopped,
just to find myself face to face with a cop.

He smiles at me without humor in his eyes,
"Good lord!" is he going to tell me my rights?
What is happening? For what is this bust?
What could I be guilty for save a pelvic thrust?

They rounded us up like a flock of sheep,
then put us the vans and the police jeeps,
I assure you it's a pretty freaky sensation,
when you are being hauled off to a police station.

They took down my addresses and my contact information,
I think I already discussed the peculiar sensations,
Charges of obscenity were upon me I was told,
However now did that unfold?

It took some time, we were sent off home,
like fallen emperors sent back to Rome,
what we were and what were we now,
Man times change so quick and how!

I'm sure this exercise took a few hours at the least,
multiple policemen 'The moral police',
Objecting to the way we dance and the way we behave,
and about the late hours we keep they did debate.

Amidst all this I thought of them who in this system put their trust,
All those people praying and hoping for some result,
Some raped, some murdered others who lost their money,
And their guardians were busy doing this. Don't blame me for finding this funny.

Of Angels and Shooting stars

A road illuminated in the silver light,
the rains had left the world quite wet,
Walking along in the death of the night,
An angel it was that I met.

There she lay in the shadows dark,
troubled by the misery in her soul,
her halo mellow her body stark,
struggling to make herself feel whole.

Pearls of tears streamed from her face,
they made the world look bleak,
And when her eyes met my gaze,
I asked her why did she weep.

Said said she had got caught into the night,
And she was looking around for day,
but however hard she looked there was no light,
What more now could she say.

She once walked amongst us all,
an angel amidst the crowd,
and when she rose up to touch the sky,
She found herself in a dark cloud.

For a second suspended in the air,
then down to earth she fell,
Wondering if what she had done was right or fair,
Thinking wether or not to tell.

She said it was human that she had become,
due to a mistake that she had made,
No where to hide and no where to run,
and the memories just would not fade.

Though her tears were her's alone,
Not for herself were they shed,
for her prayers were aimed for someone else's home,
though difficult times lay ahead.

With a dry smile away she soared,
I saw her from afar,
Maybe she was an angel no more,
but I was gazing upon a shooting star.

Images - By the Hearth

The morning will come, I have been told,
But I don't see it there,
I am sitting here, crouched in the darkness,
wondering what is right and what fair.
The rains have graced the thirsty earth,
I know that smell too well,
But no fire graces this blackened hearth;
Maybe it needs new stories to tell.

You make a road map of my past,
No whites, no blacks, just filled with grey;
The anomalies that the darkness reveals,
Are so well hidden from the sun's rays.

I think back on what it is that I've done,
And the thoughts just go astray.
The mysteries of life and death yet to come,
They take my peace away.

I am a mirror, reflecting all I can,
A lamp to give all light,
And yet I happen to be that very man,
That gave up during his fight.

Love is a woman

Look into her eyes,
She is calling out to you.
She smiles upon a million beings,
but graces but a few.
Her scent is sweet,
her hands warm to touch,
her embrace is surreal,
her eyes say so much.


I say love is a woman,
and a beautiful one at that,
everyone seems to want her,
and she definitely knows that.
They throng to meet her,
catch a glimpse of her her face,
they dream of her at night,
the thought of her presence makes a million hearts race,
She knows that you want her,
she shows you she doesn't care,
but maybe she is thinking about you,
wishing that you were there,
She will blow you off with all her might,
it's said that you can never get love without a fight,
She will come into your life and make it a royal mess,
but till you haven't tasted her, you haven't tasted success,
for she will make you feel like a winner,
make you feel whole,
make you feel that prior to that,
you were just there, existing without a soul,
She will vex you with her little things,
make the alarm bells in your head ring,
she will make things wrong but still make them feel right,
to you she will give it her all but at the same time fight,
to hold onto her will be a war,
one well worth the prize,
for her you will fall,
and due to her rise,
though she is a beautiful rose,
her thorns will prick,
even then you shall hold her close,
happily take the risk,
She is the one that everyone wants ,
but she is there with you,
hold on to her with all your might,
least she elude you,
If you take her for granted you will find that she's gone,
as they say "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned",
you will think of her day and night when she is away,
wondering what went wrong, why you didn't ask her to stay.
I don't know if she will forgive you and to you ever return,
but I know you will look for her, on every corner every turn.
It's when you feel empty inside, you will know then,
Love is in fact a woman.

And if she does all this to you,
then you know that it's her
if anything is missing,
then in her guise is an impostor,
while for many she is an object of desire,
there are many others who desire her place.
Once she comes int your life, she will change your fate,
and her you will love and her you will hate,
she will confuse you,
still leave you helpless within,
and all of it will make sense when,
you realise that love is a woman.

Images - Musing by the seaside.

Standing alone by the sea,
catching a glimpse of what might have been,
feeling the wind call out to me,
Gently.

A trip down memory lane,
grabbing out to those thoughts, but in vain,
Innocence is what I feign,
Unsuccessfully.

All those days, where did they go?
While we ran fast, the time went slow,
receding into the evening glow,
Steadily.

Those flickery flames catch my eye,
ask me what's my alibi,
where was I when they lit up the sky,
Blindingly.

Grains of sand blow by my side,
as time seems to ebb not unlike the tide,
all those dreams still trapped inside,
Silently


Just when I think I can no longer cope,
the Orange sun reaches out to give me hope,
and with this hope my fears elope,
Stealthily.

Relics

Come here, come closer, Why are you scared?
I was once one of you, though i'm no longer there,
for though once in the sunshine, my walks I took,
towards the darkness is where I now look.

Flames have licked at what was left of my body,
Words have pierced the remains of my soul,
I can see the horror, it's reflected in your eyes,
won't you ever believe that once I was whole?

Throughout my existence I have been branded,
the weight of expectations has made me numb,
the halls of hope have slippery floors,
and to darkness have I finally succumbed.

I rise in glory as the phoenixes do,
revived from the ashes of my faults,
within seconds again, I burst back into flames,
and into the depths I fall.

Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words, they poison my blood,
and every second odd that my heart bleeds,
into my conscience they flood.

The day will come as my times runs out,
and I know that day the axe shall fall,
thought the castle of my dreams will age and crumble,
But my soul shall haunt it's hallowed walls.