In my head

So how does it feel? 

To be like this?

So much in love,

that you'd steal a kiss?

A burning heath with a dark hole,

the same person who makes you feel whole.

Head over heels with your thoughts in my head,

with you on my mind as I go to bed.

A smouldering fire with ice within,

a murky mind that knows only to sin.

Yes I'm in love, the sort that shows,

My hearts gone to you and the lack of it shows.

Yes I'm in love but I feel so alone.

all alone in the dark with no heart to call my own.

I thought I was clever,

I thought it was good,

I thought I had loved you,

only as much any man should.

I thought restraint was bad,

that there was much more to be had,

In being with you,

being in you.

But I feel alone, In love yet alone;

all alone in the dark with no heart to call my own.

I look up at you to save me from it all,

But I've roughed up my knuckles with all these falls.

You let me in just to shut me out,

And i'm left in the cold to rant and shout.

I crave your warmth, your heart your soul,

without you here, I'll never feel alone.

I thought I had got you but you've slipped away,

and yet over me you hold sway,

You have my heart and you nurse it still,

and through that bond you pull my strings.

And I'm in love, In love all alone,

And I waiting for you to make your way back home.

The Gingerbread Girl!

Come Ye all, come on closer!

We've got song and joy!

I'm back as a bard with a story up my sleeve,

about a gingerbread girl and a boy!

I've been away for quite a while,

and man do I have a tale to tell!

So hear about this girl I met,

and how for her I fell!

She smelt of baking the day I saw her,

s'was quite the brown eyed girl,

surrounded by bagels and cream cheese,

with little crumbs in her curls!

Inside the shop she stood with friends,

bus tickets clutched in her paw,

exchanged them for  I know not what she did,

amidst my bemusement and guffaws!

The seasons passed and there again I stood,

In the same old bagel shop,

with smell of baking still around her,

back into my life she popped.

I looked for her high and low,

until her page I found,

a morning walk was tempered with some coffee,

and her brimming love for hounds.

She blew me hot she blew me cold,

till my nerves began to snap,

and in that shop with all the cream cheese,

upon her I sprung the trap.

She fell for it before she knew it,

Hook, line and sinker!

And before she could say 'help' she was hooked,

with no one around to save her!

And now we lie and watch the world go bye,

and satiate our lust;

the ginger bread girl still smells of baking,

while the fateful shop's gone bust.

An Ode to your fears

We've been in this awhile,

things are slowly getting clear,

Away from the sharp rocks,

this life boat we've steered,

And yet in the those shadows,

insecurities seem to leer,

So here I am penning down,

and Ode to your fears.

There are some grey thoughts that haunt you,

of that I know;

They tug at your heartstrings,

that's such a low blow;

And sometimes you listen up,

when you're out there alone;

Staring blankly at your whatsapp;

fiddling around with your phone.

This dark cloud will bring rain,

and block out the morning glow;

As you sit there by the window,

all alone at home;

The stream of thoughts shall swell up,

and perhaps overflow;

As icy worry seeps into your heart,

and tries to make it cold.

Though rain clouds and flooded streams,

and dangers untold;

I'll stand there on the river bank,

and watch things unfold;

If you feel that you're out of your depth,

I'll throw out a float;

And though these stray thoughts I'll help you,

Steer this life boat.

Fantasies

I've thought of you a lot today,

Wondered out what and If I should say,

we've danced our way upon this subject,

tiptoed around these awkward objects,

yet time has come that I let you know,

and these fantasies now to you I show.

I'd take you out sometime at night,

serenade you in the dim moonlight,

Look deeply into your eyes,

and strip you off all those lies,

make you forget all your fears,

just like you've held me all these years,

Reach through your warmth and touch your heart,

too often have we fallen apart,

No more I say I will hesitate,

as those old yearning for you I resuscitate,

Don't feel guilt and don't feel shy,

Don't push me away or ask me why,

You know those reasons we've heard them over,

We are not getting younger and times not getting any slower.

I think of how I'd hold you close,

how you'd cling to me as I slipped off your clothes,

feel your outline in the dark,

as you hold your breath and stop your heart,

rub my toes upon your feet,

draw you close to hear your heart beat,

play my hands around you awhile,

see you squirm with a naughty smile;

Feel your body move up against mine,

I'm still waiting for that divine sign,

see you rub against my skin,

as you open those doors and let me in,

go all those place i've never been before,

leave my mark, making you want me more,

Feel your body twist around my hips,

As I kiss you deep and feel your lips.

Feel you clutch hard onto the sheet,

as time stands still and our rhythms meet,

play with your hair while you feel shy,

as our elation moves up towards the skies!

 

Are these just fantasies of an idle mind?

It's been years since I've wanted you as mine,

And yet it's cold now where I stand,

As slowly the darkness slips you out of my hand.

A walk in the rain

Walking out in the rain,

Watching it clean the world again,

I let it hide my tears,

And wish it drowns all my fears,

Even as my heart burns,

It is for you that it yearns,

And yes I’m alone,

Taking this long walk back home.

I’d clear my head,

But I think of you instead,

Spiraling downward again,

Via stairs I failed to mend,

You come as a surprise,

Every time I open up my eyes,

And yes I’m alone,

Looking up traces of you on my phone.

I’m living a lie,

Ever since I saw you cry,

And here I stand,

Watching myself lose my best hand,

Throw away the cards,

Cover up some of those scars,

Wanting to get into your head,

Drawing up a dead end instead,

And yes I’m alone,

Struggling to find my way back home.

Melting Moments - The one that got away.

I'm holding on to my breath as I try to pen this down,
a bit nervous and hesitant, but I guess I've had to come around,
been wanting to shout it out, say all the things unsaid,
Not knowing what held me back or what caused me to be afraid.

I've been holding on to my thoughts, largely comprising of you,
waiting with a bated breath and now I feel like such a fool.
Thinking, planning and imagining of how it would be,
of how I could be with you and how we both could be free,
Loose these chains that bind me and do the same to you,
Drive away into the sunset as the people in the movies do,
It takes no more than a pin prick to make somebody bleed,
I've bled like a river, when is it that you will pay any heed?
I'm smiling onto prophesies that spell out my doom,
Filling my head with your photos to try to drive out the gloom,
Going about my days as if nothing is wrong,
unable to banish the thought of you from my mind for long,
Unable to tell you all, fearing that I'll scare you away,
So I pretend to just be with you, without having anything to say,
It's something that I shall carry with me, live with it all my life,
pack away in a corner of my heart, least it create a strife,
I shall have fond memories of you, the girl that got away,
For darkness is coming for me, I don't know how much longer is it that I can wait.

Fleeting designs

A bright light shining in a blackened room,
sets for the scene, a contrast stark,
I sit with it, the table beside,
wondering why it's all still dark.

Around me the world swirls,
a blur of black and grey,
as money evaporates and toys pile up,
but nothing ever really stays.

Why do I squander all that I have,
and pawn to the devil my soul?
Why do I support with deed this vice?
Am I that far gone from ever feeling whole?

I walk the line and balance it out,
but yet the cable still sways,
upon the tight rope I hold my breath,
Wondering if my balance will stay.

Icy tentacles wind around my heart,
They are so cold it burns,
the charred remains of something that once beat,
the faint warmth of innocence spurned.

I stand apart in that room,
the only thing bathed in the dark,
those robes that bound, those lies profound,
all gone, the reality, now it's stark.

A dagger to a vein I take,
the blood flows away into the night,
with it I wish my shadows fade,
for one last time, let me see the light.