Fantasies

I've thought of you a lot today,

Wondered out what and If I should say,

we've danced our way upon this subject,

tiptoed around these awkward objects,

yet time has come that I let you know,

and these fantasies now to you I show.

I'd take you out sometime at night,

serenade you in the dim moonlight,

Look deeply into your eyes,

and strip you off all those lies,

make you forget all your fears,

just like you've held me all these years,

Reach through your warmth and touch your heart,

too often have we fallen apart,

No more I say I will hesitate,

as those old yearning for you I resuscitate,

Don't feel guilt and don't feel shy,

Don't push me away or ask me why,

You know those reasons we've heard them over,

We are not getting younger and times not getting any slower.

I think of how I'd hold you close,

how you'd cling to me as I slipped off your clothes,

feel your outline in the dark,

as you hold your breath and stop your heart,

rub my toes upon your feet,

draw you close to hear your heart beat,

play my hands around you awhile,

see you squirm with a naughty smile;

Feel your body move up against mine,

I'm still waiting for that divine sign,

see you rub against my skin,

as you open those doors and let me in,

go all those place i've never been before,

leave my mark, making you want me more,

Feel your body twist around my hips,

As I kiss you deep and feel your lips.

Feel you clutch hard onto the sheet,

as time stands still and our rhythms meet,

play with your hair while you feel shy,

as our elation moves up towards the skies!

 

Are these just fantasies of an idle mind?

It's been years since I've wanted you as mine,

And yet it's cold now where I stand,

As slowly the darkness slips you out of my hand.

A walk in the rain

Walking out in the rain,

Watching it clean the world again,

I let it hide my tears,

And wish it drowns all my fears,

Even as my heart burns,

It is for you that it yearns,

And yes I’m alone,

Taking this long walk back home.

I’d clear my head,

But I think of you instead,

Spiraling downward again,

Via stairs I failed to mend,

You come as a surprise,

Every time I open up my eyes,

And yes I’m alone,

Looking up traces of you on my phone.

I’m living a lie,

Ever since I saw you cry,

And here I stand,

Watching myself lose my best hand,

Throw away the cards,

Cover up some of those scars,

Wanting to get into your head,

Drawing up a dead end instead,

And yes I’m alone,

Struggling to find my way back home.

Melting Moments - The one that got away.

I'm holding on to my breath as I try to pen this down,
a bit nervous and hesitant, but I guess I've had to come around,
been wanting to shout it out, say all the things unsaid,
Not knowing what held me back or what caused me to be afraid.

I've been holding on to my thoughts, largely comprising of you,
waiting with a bated breath and now I feel like such a fool.
Thinking, planning and imagining of how it would be,
of how I could be with you and how we both could be free,
Loose these chains that bind me and do the same to you,
Drive away into the sunset as the people in the movies do,
It takes no more than a pin prick to make somebody bleed,
I've bled like a river, when is it that you will pay any heed?
I'm smiling onto prophesies that spell out my doom,
Filling my head with your photos to try to drive out the gloom,
Going about my days as if nothing is wrong,
unable to banish the thought of you from my mind for long,
Unable to tell you all, fearing that I'll scare you away,
So I pretend to just be with you, without having anything to say,
It's something that I shall carry with me, live with it all my life,
pack away in a corner of my heart, least it create a strife,
I shall have fond memories of you, the girl that got away,
For darkness is coming for me, I don't know how much longer is it that I can wait.

Fleeting designs

A bright light shining in a blackened room,
sets for the scene, a contrast stark,
I sit with it, the table beside,
wondering why it's all still dark.

Around me the world swirls,
a blur of black and grey,
as money evaporates and toys pile up,
but nothing ever really stays.

Why do I squander all that I have,
and pawn to the devil my soul?
Why do I support with deed this vice?
Am I that far gone from ever feeling whole?

I walk the line and balance it out,
but yet the cable still sways,
upon the tight rope I hold my breath,
Wondering if my balance will stay.

Icy tentacles wind around my heart,
They are so cold it burns,
the charred remains of something that once beat,
the faint warmth of innocence spurned.

I stand apart in that room,
the only thing bathed in the dark,
those robes that bound, those lies profound,
all gone, the reality, now it's stark.

A dagger to a vein I take,
the blood flows away into the night,
with it I wish my shadows fade,
for one last time, let me see the light.

The Angel

I felt a bit dark and gloomy today,
So I decided that in my room I must stay,
So upon those lines I acted then,
and sat in my room, thinking for a moment.

It was a bit dull and lonely there,
of this I became soon aware,
So I said lets try something new,
something done by but a few.

I crossed my legs and erased my frown,
and prayed that an angel be sent down,
life has had many secrets now and then,
Won't hurt me know a few of them.

There was a flash of light divine,
the room suddenly smelt of fragrant wine,
I opened my eyes and saw here there,
an angel sent down from heaven, I swear!

Her eyes were brown and so was her hair,
I could see cuts on her, everywhere,
What cruelty is this why this pain?
How could god let it remain?

She smiled at me as she read my thoughts,
She said to me, don't look so distraught,
These cuts on me are all for you,
Through dark nights and storms I have surrounded you,
Made sure when the hammer falls it is I who soften the blow,
When the divine judgement comes, it is me who executes them below,
You know not your luck you mortal man,
even if people try to hurt you no one can,
I bleed for you happily with a smile on my face,
all your fears in your sleep I erase,
You have run away from things and they have chased you afar,
But when they come close to you, I have made them stay far,
I love you with all my might, it's you who do not believe,
you will shout out to god as you cry in your sleep,
gently i'll come and put you in my lap,
I'll protect you from the lightning, mute the thunder clap,
I don't care what you deserve or what you do and when,
for as soon as you need me, I'll be at your side in a moment,
Never feel alone for I watch over you all day,
at nights till your asleep, I never go away,
Watching over you is a full time task,
when you sing in your shower or make your way to class,
I'm there always besides you wether you know it or not,
And i shall come and numb the pain when it hurts you a lot.
And every time I protect you, one cut I will get,
But never fear, I do this job without any regret,
Just be brave, be honorable, care for all those who you can,
For not everyone has angels, some are left to the care of man.
For though you are blessed and I wipe your tears,
I've made you what you are today so that you can wipe away people's fears,
Try stand for all thats good, just and fair,
From cheating others, I know you will forbear,
And I shall willingly take them, carry these scars with pride,
when ever it hurts, I'll take it in my stride.

Just remember what you have been sent down for my child divine,
Do not let it go in vain, this pain of mine,
and when at last your time comes and you breathe your last breath,
I shall stand beside you, even in your death,
And as you ascend to the gates of heaven,
I shall be waiting and you shall see me again.



I heard all this and my tears I dried,
I thanked god with all my might,
For I knew now, what I didn't know then,
that someone was watching out for me from heaven.

A writer's block

It's been a while, It's held me back,
this temptation that I have had to write,
It's a bad time to run out of words,
When parts of your mind are locked in a fight.

I can feel the words being dragged along,
so loath they are to come out,
I've been meaning to write, I promise it's been too long,
but all i've done is scream and shout.

It's been a murky time in this world of mine,
Alternating between a desert and a marsh,
One dry the other wet, but both benign,
my demeanor now exposed as just a farce.

These smiles that I gave have cost me dear,
Who ever said that they came free?
for everyone of them masks some fear,
Why did I think they would spare me?

I was so sure about my thoughts and things,
Now it is all but just a murky haze,
While the world celebrates and the choirs sing,
I walk around in a state of daze.

I want to let go of these thoughts that bind,
But they hold me by my hands,
So now again I walk around dragging my weight,
a landlord, now bereft of all his lands.

Maybe that day will come sometime,
and the light within I'll see,
until then I'll tell myself that i'm fine,
Just fine, being me.

My insanity

Slinking in the shadows,
on a warm summers night,
sulking behind the petals, of flowers.

These strands of darkness encircle me,
so near yet so distant, I want them to leave,
let me be me, But they seem scared, hesitant.

My thoughts soar as everyone's do,
yet now they are pinned to the ground,
that magnificant eagle that once had soared,
has now been shot down.

I try to write as I always do,
Just can't seem to make any of it rhyme,
My thoughts left intact are but a few,
fears haunt my mind.

Illusions plague these hallowed walls, dead kings claim their thrones.
Trying to reach home before the darkness falls, Somewhere far away from home.