A writer's block

It's been a while, It's held me back,
this temptation that I have had to write,
It's a bad time to run out of words,
When parts of your mind are locked in a fight.

I can feel the words being dragged along,
so loath they are to come out,
I've been meaning to write, I promise it's been too long,
but all i've done is scream and shout.

It's been a murky time in this world of mine,
Alternating between a desert and a marsh,
One dry the other wet, but both benign,
my demeanor now exposed as just a farce.

These smiles that I gave have cost me dear,
Who ever said that they came free?
for everyone of them masks some fear,
Why did I think they would spare me?

I was so sure about my thoughts and things,
Now it is all but just a murky haze,
While the world celebrates and the choirs sing,
I walk around in a state of daze.

I want to let go of these thoughts that bind,
But they hold me by my hands,
So now again I walk around dragging my weight,
a landlord, now bereft of all his lands.

Maybe that day will come sometime,
and the light within I'll see,
until then I'll tell myself that i'm fine,
Just fine, being me.