Flashblacks.

Sitting in a dark corner,
Shadows on my mind,
Running through my memories,
I wonder what I'll find.

Grains of sand on a beach of hate,
a few castles blown away by a twist of fate,
An ocean loud, vast and deep,
fed by the tears of skies that weep.

A lonely pawn upon a black tile,
A knight taking him out with a triumphant smile,
while the queen looks on and the king stands still,
Looking of of the castle's window sill.

A childish act of innocence,
ramblings that just don't make any sense,
a safety net cast out by some friends,
as sanity totters upon the fence.

A checkered board of a vivid past,
memories that forever last,
a poster of hope that no longer holds fast,
uncertainty and doubt as the die is cast.

Candlelight.

It's dark in here,
you need some light,
Ignite this candle and hold it up,
and see the darkness take flight.

Cobwebs hang from the ceilings,
while champagne flows off the glass,
no breeze blows, the air is still,
a thick carpet of dust has amassed.

The windows have cracked and yet are black,
they won't let the sunlight through,
a broken chair and a weathered desk,
and unused bottles of expired glue.

Papers have scattered everywhere,
the paperweight still rolls on the floor,
and yet now that you have candle lit,
Everything is basking in it's glow.

A ray of light it all it takes,
A hope to survive and flourish,
so get out the broom and clear out your mind,
It's about time you won this skirmish.

Of Destruction

A hazel feather in the gusty wind,
floats down to rest upon my shoulder,
And wishes to speak to me, of destruction.

I ask him what it is that he knows,
about human tendencies and egos,
those that ultimately lead, to destruction.

I ask him why is it that everyone throws,
what ever they have right out of the window,
and then they all complain of destruction.

Why is it that lies and deceit,
brings good down to it's knees.
And leaves in it's wake, destruction.

Mutely the feather floats away as it must,
spurred on by the powerful gust,
And leaves me mulling about destruction.

Killing myself Slowly

A breath of fresh air,
in a dusty room,
a wave of hope
and yet there is gloom,
What is it that I am doing?
I probably will never know,
I'm killing myself slowly
And will forever more.

A knife of dread,
piercing a dull throbbing heart,
tearing it slowly,
I see the pieces fall apart.
Skeletons tumble out of the closet,
into my eyes they stare,
No blood no gore,
There's just emptiness there.

A wound for every decision made,
slashed wrists with every lie ever said,
the world stands still as the clock ticks,
a gaping hole where ever the conscience pricks.
A broken bone for every choice made wrong,
In a splint for anyone ever wronged,
A battered mind , none worse for there wear,
And then finally me, slowing killing myself in despair.


ps:- The myself in this note is a reference to the sense of 'being me'. This is not to be mistaken for anything else.

Images - You'll never be alone

You’ve stood tall in these stormy streets, looked fear in the eye,
It’s pouring and you’re by yourself, you keep wondering why,
When every mans an island amidst this sea called life,
You’ve carried the baton forward, now you lead this strife.
Now light up this ready torch, see the flames touch the sky,
Set fire to fuel those wonderful dreams and see the nightmares die.
I know it seems difficult, this dark and dreary task,
When no one seems to care what lies beneath your mask,
Though sometimes you feel helpless and out of sync with this world,
Feeling all alone and breathless as this storm unfurls,
Though there are no knocks on the door, no rings on the phone,
You’ll never be alone, No; you’ll never be alone.

Forget those steps that lead this way, ignore the dial tone,
Look for a place inside your heart and make yourself at home,
When questions unasked pop up, dump them into the waste can,
Bask in the rays of hope and work up a good tan,
This life is too long to be a battle, too short to be a war,
It’s upto you to find yourself, decide what to live for,
When all tell you what not to do, and what is it that you’re to do,
It’s time you filtered out those thoughts and appreciate those few,
Make albums in your head and slideshows in your heart,
Feel them reach out to you, from near and from far,
See them touch your soul and that’s when you’ll know,
That you’ll never be alone, No, You’ll never be alone.

Images - Waves in the desert.

Tiny grains of sand in an ocean of dust,
my search for you still went on,
those swirling waves in a desert that calm,
signified the lull before a storm.

It'd been a while that I'd been out here,
wandering around that landscape bare,
It's my eyes that told the story of my fears,
But no one cared enough to look there.

It's been this way for a long long time,
I did not know what I felt,
I always thought that I am fine,
little did I know with what my heart dealt.

I wrote a few poems, some on love,
Some on the life I thought I'd have,
Some on those random thoughts that plagued my mind,
But never really realizing why they felt so sad.

In the twilight did I walk this shadowy path,
Seeing the world in Black, white and grey,
Knowing little about what it is that I missed out on,
wandering on, going astray.

And then you came like a dazzling sun,
And swept away those grays,
with a brilliant smile and deep brown eyes,
you brought in a bright new day.

Though all I do falls short of signifying what you are,
even unconsciously I dare say,
Try all I may, to avoid it, but even then,
I fall for you just a little more. Everyday.


And yes, while at it,
Consider this a sacrifice of my Dignity in a public forum.

Images - Falling without strings.

I ring the bell, you let me in,
Such a clichéd start to an afternoon warm,
As I hold you, you can see me grin,
And set off all those crazy alarms.

So what is it that you think you owe me?
You don’t need to think about that,
When you can see where this is headed as clear as day,
What is it that holds you back?

You’ve been here before, not a long time back,
Is this what they call déjà vu ?
But hush! No one knows about me being here,
No one knows what you’ve been though.

You can deny me all that you want,
But you can’t deny yourself all that,
Because you can feel me all around you,
As we both come to terms with facts.

You will let me do all that I always do,
Let yourself feel me through,
As I prepare to leave you will start to think,
About all those distracting, irrelevant things.

Images - Droplets

These lights have lighted up this city tonight,
Into a brilliant flame of fire,
and beyond it's edges I am gazing out,
Into this dark ocean of desire.

A faint drizzle upon a stony ledge,
I wonder when it will pour,
This sullen heart needs to quench it's thirst,
It always seems to want so much more.

These droplets of water may drench me today.
Yet I will be here, I refuse to run.
I am here, standing alone, waiting to meet you,
Destiny, in pursuit of you I myself have come.

Images - Holding on to pebbles.

Stories have been shared,
from an age gone by,
Where princesses were rescued,
and the Angels would fly,
the flowers would bloom,
and birds would sing,
the sun would be warm
and it would always be spring.

But no one has shared,
the stories today,
are they all scared?
Or too proud to say?
That all that has gone,
Is for everyone to see,
for all that we had won,
has now tasted defeat?

Did you think twice,
before thinking aloud?
Did it feel so nice?
Sitting atop that cloud?
For words like arrows once left do not stall,
like flashes of lightning in the skies they fall,
You bled me to death and then a little more,
I woke up wounded, battered and sore,
In midst of a desert, covered with sand,
or an ocean of water with no sight of land,
Are you quite done with me or is there more to come?
The way you have done it, it looks like such fun.
Will you come rescue me? Will you hold out your hand?
Or will you just look on and at a safe distance stand?

I need some inspiration, I have so much to say,
get rid of my inner devils, and grow up today,
For around in circles again I have run,
making a fool out of myself, trying to fool everyone.

Images - They never let us know what they know.

He looked up and he saw her.

First Mistake.

Drama has this bad habit of sensationalizing things. This holds true even for romance.

He gave her a smile as she walked upto him and greeted her with a warm Hello. This of course was the full bouquet of formality, Hug et all. So could she feel his pulse quicken and his heartbeat go ballistic as he held her for that brief instant? He probably would never know. But I guess she would. Girls have a knack for knowing things like that. What’s worse, they never let us know that they know.

The first few seconds are what tells both the parties what they need to know. All he knew in those first seconds is that he wanted to know her. But what did it tell her? He probably would never know. As I said, they never let us know what they know.

So there he was, with her finally. He had thought about this for a long time. He had wondered how it would be, what he would feel or alternatively what he would NOT feel. His hopes, his expectations, all resting on the fantasy of this one moment that had given him hours of anticipation and provided the food for a million thoughts. We tend to do that sometimes. Spend hours living through one moment that has not yet arrived, wondering about how it will be, what will happen and how it will feel. Even then, he did not know if she had thought the same. As I said, they never let us know what they know.

It was drizzling as they got out on the street walking towards the sea shore. As the light faded, the lights grew in prominence, highlighting the beauty of the old architecture, built once when this city was still Bombay. But he noticed none of that. But he did notice her eyes, the way she walked , the way the rain drops fell on her hair. And the way she laughed. But he did not know what she noticed about him. As I said, they never let us know what they know.

As he walked down marine drive with her by his side, the wind in her hair and her image in his eyes, he felt the world lighten. He knew that the world would never be the same again. The ice cream that he shared with her, he knew that the next time he tasted it alone, it would not taste half as nice. The coffee in the rain, the ‘bhutta’ that they ate. All of it. But he did now know if she knew any of this. As I said, they never let us know what they know.

And when he dropped her home, he knew that he was crazy about her. And he hoped she did not know this. But then again, he would never know.

They never let us know what they know.

Check-Mate.

You look up as your cell phone beeps,
You're with company but you can't resist a peep,
Because you have been waiting for it to ring,
and wondering what the next message with bring.

The game has started just about now,
I seem sure of winning and you wonder how,
As I figure out this brand new hunt,
you will wonder about my next stunt.

His arrows are sharp and Cupid's bow is strong,
Both of these to me now belong,
I'm at a vantage point, taking a careful aim,
Once I let go, Your life will never be the same.

And so begins this game of cat and mouse,
Life's soon going to become a mad house.
Your smart you say and so I have heard,
Hopefully this won't be liking killing a mockingbird.

Images of the mind

Come into my world,
It's a dark and dreary place,
Cobwebs hang from the walls,
Where potential goes to waste.

The drawers in here open and close at will,
Don't wonder what purpose they fulfill,
I don't know myself what happens in here,
It's become a haven for insecurities and fear.

The light's been turned off it seems,
The flashlights have insignificant beams,
Don't pierce the darkness that you might find,
For in it lurks a loathsome fiend.

Don't bring no good, there is no place,
This evil in me takes up all the space,
What do I say? What do I find?
What goes on in this sinister mind?

This is my world, This is my mind,
It's not very nice, it's not very kind.
Get out before they consume you, these flames that burn,
Or drown in these shallow waters that for gratification yearn.

Or rather don't come go run away,
Go before it all ends, Either ways.

Hello? Are you out there?

I've been looking out, looking out for you,
I've exhausted all my options, I've had quite a few,
I'm still in this darkness, blinded even in this brilliant day,
Feeling my path by my hands, maybe even lost my way.
Are you listening to me? Will you answer my call?
I don't want to fall down, I don't want to crawl.
Hello? Are you out there?

It's been dark now quite a while,
I've still tried to face it with a smile,
What ever happened to me? My dreams? They've been gone a while?
And why does my innocence feel like an illegitimate child?
Are you listening to me? Will you answer my call?
I need you to help me, I feel I'm facing a wall.
Hello? Are you out there?

Great deeds of valor have always been told.
Good that fought the bad, tales that never grew old,
I remember wanting to change the world , do some good,
What has it come to? People are still starving for food.
Are you listening to me? Will you answer my call?
I want to feel happy again, I'm feeling so small.
Hello? Are you out there?

A hundred reasons we have found for god not to exist,
Some still say he is out here, somewhere in our midst,
While the world around us burns and smolders in hate,
How is it that one keeps up his faith?
Are you listening to me? Will you answer my call?
I can't feel you, are you there at all?
Hello? Are you out there?

Speak up

So what it is that you feel?


What defines what is real?


Show me what is right, point out what is wrong;
watch me as I play along,
A twinkle in my eye, a smile on my lips,
Yes, I'm still waiting for you to make a slip.

Look around and see the world,
this crazy pandemonium that has unfurled,
A state of flux in every moment,
So what do you reckon is the scope for improvement?

This is a democracy or so I hear,
So what exactly is it that you fear?
By , for and of the people it is said,
Or so it was, the last time it I read.

What is it that gets your goat?
Politicians in Kurtas? Or suave Coats?
Moral policing, it's needs and effects,
corruption, sports what other events?

So speak up and be bold,
Fortune favors the brave or so it is told,
put forth your view and bring up some talk,
It's about time we took this walk.

Mention just one issue that you fear,
be heard, we all want to hear,
discuss, debate bring forth the light,
Point out what is wrong, Show me what is right.

Project Untitled.

I just thought I needed to get back to writing , so I prepared a sort of a pilot that I could build upon. I need feedback to know if it is substantially interesting as to attract investment in the form of my time into it and if the style and intensity seem to be reasonably acceptable, hence I require feedback and request you to provide the same. If This text seems like a good starting stone, do let me know and I shall try to build upon it, if it is not or seems to boring I shall try to prepare something else. This could be more like a slight teaser setting the general direction of things to come. Do tell me if you like and PLEASE tell me if you do not like it and what it is that you do not like. I shall be highly happy to receive any such feed back:-



Project Untitled - Cut 1.




He watched as the rays of the setting sun slowly cast a orange hue over the vista that lay before him, seemingly vast and peaceful. How deceptive the whole world seemed now from this Vantage point, the top of this tower which afforded him a view which could make any man hold his breath in sheer amazement. And yet, there was no one to appreciate it, neither the view that he beheld or the views that his head held, the latter being the tools that had landed him in this fate.

The very heavens seemed to be on fire as the orange glow grew intense. It would be over soon as the sun would slowly disappear and make the whole world dark. And then there would be some lights. Some lights which could be seen in the darkness, like little brilliant ants which would sometimes move, changing patterns in an fascinating way and leave his imagination free to join them in various forms and shapes that would frequent his imagination. Birds, beasts and humans, they had all appeared in front of him in his solitary existence in rough shapes that had been traced out from the back of his head out from the lights flickering in the darkness amidst the lightly wooded world that this window held for him. It has been a year since he had been exiled to this tower. Seemed like an eternity.

The King looked on as the last rays of the sun played the game of hide and seek with the turrets of the Towers of Marwar shining far to the north of his current location, then the rays escaped, eluding this world that tried to hold onto them in vain and plunged his kingdom into darkness.

Images

I don't need a star sign to identify me,
I don't need you to have any parameters to define me,
Let me be me in your eyes,
then you may look upon what it is,
and what can be.

Because there is a difference in what you perceive,
and what you can probably see,
What you can see, when you look at me.

You may say I behave like a Gemini, Maybe I do, I'd never know
But then how do you know it's not just something that i show?
Stop fitting me in and feel me though,
The connection could surprise you.

Untitled

There is this path , the walk of life,
on which people often walk in pairs,
hand in hand, stride matching stride,
wondering if the other person is theirs.


They have their dreams. their needs, their fears,
And seldom do any of these rest,
The plague the people with confusion and tears,
and put their fidelity to test.

When the breakers come, some part ways,
Some others give up the quest,
While some march on , though the bonds maybe frayed,
facing it all with zest.

When in front of you this drama unfurls,
therein the answer you will find,
Not a relationship status to show the world,
Commitment is a state of the mind.

Flights and Confrontations

It’s been a while since I came here,
I’v been hiding away, Maybe even running in fear,
Why I do this, I really do not know,
What is it that I prove? What do I try to show?

We all have our dreams, our hopes and our fears,
The former we chase far, while the others draw near,
Our triumphs, our glories and deeds that are past,
The shadow and darkness that pursues us fast.

I’v stood here quietly for quite a while,
Trying to sort out things in my mind,
Holding on to happiness those stray grains of sand,
Trying hard to hold onto them as they slip out of hand.

We see the shadows come on close,
As they catch up a cold wind blows,
The stage is set, the die is cast,
Concerns about the future and a checkered past.

I wade along often out of depth,
And feel a cross road on every step,
And what do I choose when the choice is wide?
And every option leaves an empty void?

We choose our roads some short some long,
But how do we choose what’s right what’s wrong?
When the two concepts are distorted and faint,
Who is evil and who is the saint?

I’v made some choices for myself,
Some acted upon, others, now dusty upon a shelf,
This play of destiny sure is strange,
Faith sure works in mysterious ways.

We try to fight as the shadows lengthen,
But in the quest of which, them we ourselves strengthen,
To eradicate our weakness and work towards the light,
But how do you win this eternal fight?

We do it in various ways,
The night slowly turn into a new day,
These crutches of mine which I once held I now let go,
and walk down this Morning Boulevard basking in it's glow.

Through our eyes.

I met this friend after really long,
She's inspired me to write this song,
We talking about food, pretty girls and guys,
And therein the crux of the matter lies.

Of food we decided , that Italian was the best,
talking about girls without offending her was quite a test,
And just as we were finishing up the french fries,
She wondered about how girls seem though my eyes.

She wondered about the attitude of us men,
Wondered if we even respect Women,
Wondered if we preferred love or lust,
Or just fell for a girl depending on the size of her bust.

To defend my tribe now I prepared,
Tried to streamline all the questions in my head,
It's kind of hard to answer them,
Because, nothing is quite as simple to understand as us men.

First let me clarify, we love women,
Cars are the only thing we love more than them,
And maybe food, in retrospect,
But sure, we give them respect.

We don't look for much in our girls,
We like deep dimples and love curls,
We like it when you hold us close,
and don't flood our conversations with your woes.

You know we like to have our own way,
But we like a girl who has something to say,
It's nice when a girl offers to pay,
And awesome when she smiles and makes our day.

We like nice dinners and 'coffee' at home,
Love it when you smell good and are awesomely toned,
It's adorable when you cook us food,
As long as it tastes good and makes our mood.

Good looks are important, they do count,
But they are not everything as many girls have found.
We like girls with short skirts and shorter shorts,
We love it when our girls look hot.

Our list is simple, demands but a few,
We like it when you don't stick to us like glue,
You can ask " Where are you?", but not everyday,
Do it too often and we will run away.

I think that covers it all,
Fill this checklist and for you we shall fall,
And just on record , what you mentioned about the bust,
That is exactly what we notice first.

Melting Moments - The other Side

( Written as an offshoot of the Original Melting Moments available in the FB notes section or at this link :- http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=86057811645 please read that first)

He felt her her stare as he walked out in the rapidly diminishing light. The Air around him seemed tense and heavy, almost expectant, a fitting conclusion to the drama that had just unfolded a few moments ago. An ominous silence seemed to press around him, muting out the ambient noise, all but a dull humming as if he was deep underwater. He almost wished that he was. He wished that she would come after him, hit him and demand an explanation or an apology. Her vacant expression that followed his confession was fresh in his mind, almost haunting, seemingly waiting for him to stop and tell her that it was all a joke, a mistake or just a bad dream or alternately all of the three. He expected a scene , a showdown or a violent reaction but nothing had prepared for the empty nothing that came his way except a weight so heavy that it would haunt him for an eternity. A cold bolt of Ice seemed to have pierced his heart, one that refused to thaw or go away. He shivered slightly. The moments dragged himself and the drama unfolded in an almost unreal fashion. Nothing that she would have said would have hurt more that the look she gave. What was it? Disgust? Pain? Anger? He would never know. He had not dared to really meet her eyes. But he knew that at this moment she was crying. He reached the poolside, changed and stood poised on the diving board. He felt himself shiver as his mind whirled down memory lane.

Her long hair was the first thing that he had ever noticed and then the the warm eyes that seemed to light up the evening. A thin watery smile that just did not do her face justice had magically transformed into the most radiant one he had ever seen. Love at first sight? Hardly! But he knew that he would carry this picture in his heart for a long time. It was still vivid, warm , a moment that he would cherish as cupid and the resident devil both fought for supremacy in the confines of his head. Unfair fight really, Cupid had arrows. Duh.

Then there was that meet up at Bascillico, the blueberry cheesecake and an absurd bill that she had insisted on sharing, hence lightning his heart instead of his pocket. A long walk at Pali hill that seemed altogether too short had sealed his fate. He was smitten. A long drive down marine drive that changed everything. The first time he felt her close, inhaling her soft scent as his nose traced a faint line down her neck, feeling the warmth just before that first kiss. Flowers. Yes, that scent would not be easily forgotten. Neither would she. Nor would the long hours in the Hot water tub for that matter.

They said that good things can never last for ever, but their memories can endure that long. Is that a good thing? Maybe not, but he sure hoped the wise man who had said this was mistaken.

Then came the onslaught of her exams and the long late night talks gave way to a spate of messages that slowly dried down to a stream and then an insignificant leak. He could blame the library for that, that temple for learning had little tolerances for mobile phones and the priest that guarded its sanctity did not take too well to whispering. He had felt her get distant, fading into the twilight that has seemed to engulf him. Her exams had seemed to drain her of her patience, happiness and strength. Obviously, romance was not spared either. The love notes gave way to angry messages. The conversations graduated to arguments and the coy teasing suddenly burst from it's cocoon and came out in the guise of ugly suspicion. It wasn't him. It was her.

Or maybe it was her, the girl who came out of no where and swept him off his feet onto a magic carpet ride. Cupid seemingly ran out of arrows and then the resident devil came back with a vengeance, the invader was vanquished aided by a few helpings of alcohol. A lip lock seemed a fitting tribute to mark this occasion, witnessed by his girl. She did not seem to care.The celebrations carried on into the night. And even further. The back seat of a car may not be as endearing as a bubble bath, but then again, infidelity never has endeared anything. Or anyone.

He had found it impossible to answer her calls anymore. Was it Anger? Guilt? Shame? Or maybe a weird combination of all the three, leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He could no longer feel his heart call out to her, though she claimed hers did. A seeming hundred missed calls later, he answered one and landed up at her doorstep. He felt her warm body against him, her lips slowly traveling the path from His shoulder to his lips, as an increasingly cold bolt shot through his heart. He felt her take in his scent, her hand playing with the shirt buttons, slowly running them out from the slits. He pulled back and met her eyes. She pushed him away. They say that silences can speak volumes. This one was mute.

He then spoke in a low tone as she confronted him. His eyes refused to meet hers. The bolt through his heart seemed to be shooting searing waves of cold through his bloodstream. He felt numb. Cold. But he came clean. A few seconds and it was over. He could see the hurt and the disappointment etched all over her face. He could feel her shock as he pulled his shirt back on. The air around him seemed to resonate with the magnitude of her grief. As he looked at her, his mind went back to the first time he had seen her. He could feel a strange weight in the pits of his stomach. It was like nothing he expected. Where was the anger he had braced himself for? But none of his preparations were able to stop the tidal wave of shame that followed. Unable to handle it anymore, he walked out without daring to steal as much as a glance at her. A diminished figure, walking out into the dreary twilight.

At that minute he dived. He felt the water engulf him. Funny how it felt just like diving into a pool of shame.

Melting Moments - 4 - A.D.

Based on a Story and concept fielded by A.D.



They say that feelings are hard, confusing and complex,
I stand here as proof, scared and perplexed.
Thinking about you most of the time,
trying to find ways to make you mine.
Though stories are fiction and seldom true,
This story is about me and you.

Nothing has changed since the last time we met,
or the last time I called you, when inside I wept,
Talking in the darkness, about how he did me wrong,
and how he left me, when someone else came along.
And then I lay there, trying to express myself,
yearning to hold you, but scared of the consequence.

When I look into your eyes, I loose the power of speech,
What you do to me is so amazing, but you're still out of my reach,
Sometimes I wish i could just talk to you and express how I feel,
But then when I see you, those words out my mouth you steal.
And then I stay there, Mute and Dumb
fear clenching my heart, feeling cold and numb.




- @ A.D. Now stop cribbing that I don't write for you.